Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

[Shallot Man]

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and even early 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.


They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gob stoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.


We ate biscuits, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY ,
no video/dvd films,
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.

Only girls had pierced ears!



We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time....

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,
>
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

RUGBY and CRICKET had try outs and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on
MERIT

Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'


We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL !
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.


And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age

[Shallot Man]

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and
Grandfathers is?

Well here it is:


A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a morning
available when he would take his 7-year old granddaughter for a drive in
the car for some bonding time -- just him and his granddaughter.


One particular Sunday, however, he had a bad cold and just wanted to stay
in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take
their granddaughter out in the car.


When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her
Grandfather was.


'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?'


'Great, Grandpa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a
single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head or wanker anywhere today!'


Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[Primrose]

The Irish Railway Company

The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company - Larnrod Eireann.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

--------------------------------
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of
transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Larnrod Eireann.
-----------------------------------

Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of
Numbers, 22nd Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That.... gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan.

[snooky]

Subject: FW: SINGLE BLACK FEMALE

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Cornish Guardian.




SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me... Call 01272-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....

Page down

black dog.jpg (35.25 KiB) Viewed 3819 times

Over 150 men found themselves talking to the
Truro RSPCA

If you don't pass this along, Something is the
matter with you!

[snooky]

The Sextant.


An ancient mariner has removed his sextant from the left hand side of the mantelpiece and is devotedly polishing it for the two thousandth and sixty third time since his retirement.
There is a constant , resigned rumble of discontent from the kitchen. He catches a phrase here , a word there “polishing--bloody thing again--doesn’t know which end to hold the Hoover---lawn needs cutting--mmm”
A small procession enters. He brightens up . It’s Wee Jimmy ,his grandson a combination of exasperation and delight. Jimmy leads his friends-all attached by the thumb to their mobiles-up to his Granddad and says “Tell us again about that thing , Grandpa.”
Grandpa sighs-deeply-and eyes the small assembly-sees the dreaded Simon and sighs even more deeply.
Trouble.
Every Grandpa’s grandson has a Simon--Simon has an I-Phone ,the new i-Phone-Simon is wearing Oakleys , top-end Lacoste and a pair of trainers that cost more than Grandad’s last suit. Simon sets the sartorial standards of the gang and is therefore loathed , albeit nicely , by the parents of all his friends.
For Simons Dad is Big in I.T. and Simons Mum is big in bosom and in “the City”
And there is no limit to their generosity to their son and heir.
Unlike the recently redundant , divorced and simply skint parents of the others.
And Simon is bright , too bloody bright and has been taught to ASK QUESTIONS.
A sigh.
“It’s a sextant , boys.”
“What does it DO ,Grandad?”
“I used it to find out where my ship was.”
“Had you forgotten where it was, Grandpa?--Granny says you forget where you put everything.”
“No , no ,Jimmy. I used it like a satnav sort of thing!“
“Where do you charge it up ?”
“You don’t--you--”
“Where do you put the batteries then?”
“There are no batteries , Simon!!!”
“Is it wireless then?”
“No , no! You use your eye! Your bloody eye , Simon!”
“Why are you all laughing , boys?”
“You tell some funny stories , Grandpa! Simon said he could get you swearing in two minutes flat. Go on -what do you do with that thing and your eye?”
“ Well--first you need to make sure what time it is--we had a special man who wound up the chronometer ---oh, no”
“I’ve got a chronometer-its got a NiCad Duroelectron cell-I don’t wind it up!
Couldn’t you afford batteries? My Dad could have got you them cheap!”
“I’m----sure---he---could , Simon. Anyway this was a very special chronometer -very, very special-you cant get them in the shops!!!”
There is now an air of quiet desperation and a mixture of amusement and perplexity in the room.
“O.K. Grandpa what did you do then?”
Deep breath, Deep breath.
“I went outside with all the apprentices to look at the sun.”
“And you’re not blind? Granny says you’re blind as a bloody bat at times.”
“No Jimmy--I’m not blind--I looked at the sun through my sextant here.”
“Oh, it’s like sunglasses then---like Simon’s Oakleys---they cost £120 , Grandpa-Mum says “Stuff it you’re not getting a pair I’ll strangle that Simon’s mum!“
“No its like a special telescope-with mirrors and you measure the angle the sun’s at! And you do big sums and then you know exactly where you are in the world! “
“You’re kidding , Captain Haddock! That would take ages!
Is this because you didn‘t have a charger or batteries for your TomTom? You could have got a cheapie mobile with a GPS app from Tesco‘s ,or my Dad could get you everything dead cheap ! You could send some to the appendages“
“ Captain Haddock! Captain bloody Haddock! --COME HERE SIMON!!!!”
And from the kitchen “James! James ! Stop that shouting --we are not as deaf as you are when it suits you --ask that nice boy Simon where his Mum got these nice sunglasses-we’ll treat Wee Jimmy to a pair on Pension Day-he’d like that!”
A door swings open then shut .Footsteps fade in the general direction of “The Red Dragon”
“You win that bet ,Simon--you got him swearing , shouting AND down to the pub in five minutes.”

[Shallot Man]

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather
The building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
Full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
Straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think
The man said?'

LittleJohnny raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

[Shallot Man]

Subj: Stevie Wonder in China




Stevie Wonder is playing his 1st gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.

In a bid to break the ice he asks if anyone has a request. One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord ! play a jazz chord!"

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical expertise.

But, still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts "No, no.
Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord". Stevie is really pissed off now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage " OK - smart arse, you get up here and do it".


The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing............ “A jazz chord to say, I ruv you...

[Shallot Man]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apparently, this is a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it. The funniest part of this is imagining the content of the letter sent to the Tax Office which prompted this reply!





Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations

[Elle's Garden]

Whether this is true or not, it is very well written and very, very funny!

[snooky]

If you don't laugh at this you better get someone to call a doctor cuz your funny bone needs retuning.

The 'Perfect Password'

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed:

P...E...N...I...S
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:


**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

[Shallot Man]

The Silent Treatment


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that
the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM "
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning,
the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , " in-laws"



WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."






W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!



WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .........."HEBREWS"



God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

[Shallot Man]

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)

These are genuine answers (from 16-year-olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure - I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

[Shallot Man]

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .


On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.


The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.


He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.


As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,


after which the elephant gingerly put down its fo ot.


The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments..


Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.


Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.


Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.



Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.


As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and


walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.


The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then pu t it down.


The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.


Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.


Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.


He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.


The elephant trumpeted ag ain, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs


and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.





Probably wasn't the same elephant..




This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

[Shallot Man]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.






David Bissonette














After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.






Sacha Guitry














By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates















Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.






Anonymous














The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"






Dumas














I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.





Sigmund Freud

















'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'






Anonymous

















'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'





Sam Kinison

















'I've had bad luck with both my wives..
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'






James Holt McGavra

















Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.






Patrick Murra

















The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....






Nash

















You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to..





Anonymous

















My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.






Henny Youngman

















A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.









Rodney Dangerfield

















A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'





Anonymous

















First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'






Anonymous

[Shallot Man]

Whenever you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; and you'll see you're a genius..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Nooit! "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," - -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," - --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," - --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," - --A congressional candidate in Texas .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." - --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ." -- Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Hierdie is ‘n juweel! Klink soos SA! "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Feeling smarter yet?


Send it on to your brilliant friends.