Feeling guilty ... ...

[Monika]

Two years ago my OH and I decided that we would no longer write about 150 Christmas cards every year, many to people like ex-colleagues, ex-neighbours, with whom we would not normally have kept in touch. So we sent a card, accompanied by a very nice note to explain that, because of our advancing years and diminishing purse, this would be the last Christmas card they would receive from us, and added that we hoped they would understand.

Last year, we received cards from about half of these "discarded friends" and this year, they are already starting to arrive again.

So we feel rather guilty and are almost tempted to respond by sending a card again. But that would be unfair to those who took our hint and have not sent a card. Should we or should we not? I think we should stand firm, however mean it makes us feel.

[oldherbaceous]

Dear Monika, you have politely let people know how you both feel, so that is how i would leave it.

I'm sure they all respect your decission.

[Chantal]

Stand firm Monika.

[alan refail]

Stand firm, as Chantal says. Eventually they will dwindle away.

[Shallot Man]

The Memsahib and I also tried this, we told all and sundry that instead of sending cards, we would donate money to the Woodland Trust and have some tree's planted instead, don't think they ever read our cards as the cards still arrive by the dozen.

[richard p]

we havnt sent any cards for years except to immediate family.. anyone we want to keep in touch with we do so though the year.... why add to the post offices seasonal workload by sending useless cards... they got enough to do with all the parcels ..... i must stop looking at ebay

[Tony Hague]

You said that you'd told them nicely that you'd not be sending them cards any longer - but that it not the same as saying you don't want to receive any. They may feel that they want to send you their christmas greetings without expectation of anything material in return ? It may not be the usual way of human nature, but I suppose it is Christmas

[Primrose]

Every year we have this debate chez nous and we've never totally resolved it because my OH thinks it looks mean not to send seasonal greetings. However, the cost of postage for our large mailing list is now becoming horrendous, especially for overseas mail. Because many of our contacts are now on the internet, this year they'll be getting our customary Round Robin annual update by e-mail instead of a card and that will have to suffice.

I'd rather save the postage and make a donation to one of our local community charities who can make better use of the cash. However, we do have some very elderly friends who are not on e-mail and if we don't exchange cards with them, won't know if they're still alive. In the past we've kept a Christmas card list and before recycling our cards after Christmas, have ticked off who has, or hasn't sent a card. That has helped to eliminate a few for the following year, until somebody you thought had disappeared off the face of the earth suddenly starts sending you a card again out of the blue, and the whole routine starts all over again ......

[Monika]

It's a strange business, this Christmas card sending, isn't it? We also like to receive them and, like Tony says, perhaps people know that and have continued to send them (that's where the guilt feeling comes in!). On the other hand, just a card, without any news of family or events, is rather meaningless. And, as Primrose says, sometimes the cards cease and you think the worst or inevitable, and then they start again!

We now also send lots of email greetings, particularly abroad, usually with a family photo (or, this year, me dressed up as Santa for the charity run!), but that still excludes many of the elderly folk who don't have a computer.

But we are encouraged by all your thoughts and will stand firm in not replying!