Googletoms

[alan refail]

Just for entertainment, here is an extract from an Italian website (http://www.zr-giardinaggio.it/pomodori.htm):

Allevate le piante a cordone, staccando i getti che si formano alle ascelle delle foglie (ossia dove le foglie si inseriscono sul fusto o sui rami). Ricordate che questi getti ascellari sono sterili, mentre i grappoli di frutti si formano sui rami diretti del fusto.
Staccate quindi i getti sterili man mano che compaiono: in tal modo viene aumentata la produttività delle piante. Se siete un fumatore e le vostre dita sono sporche di tabacco lavate le bene prima di iniziare il lavoro oppure usate un coltello a serramanico. I pomodori sono molto sensibili al virus del tabacco e c'è pericolo che lo trasmettiate con le vostre dita! Mentre le piante continuano il loro sviluppo bisogna legarle bene ai loro sostegni, ad intervalli regolari, per mantenerle perfettamente verticali, oppure far passare loro attorno una apposita funicella. Le cultivar nane sono meno esigenti in fatto di sostegni oppure non ne necessitano affatto. Un modo molto facile di applicarli è quello di usare aste piuttosto corte e di legare le piante in un solo punto; quindi si fa correre una cordicella alternativamente al di qua e al di là delle piante, da un'asta all'altra. Le piante tenute a cespuglio posseggono fusti che ramificano naturalmente più numerosi e più flessibili. Esse non richiedono sostegni, ma quando i frutti si ingrossano il loro peso farà curvare il ramo fino a terra.
Quindi sarà bene posare nei pressi alcune esche per lumache e stendere della paglia, del fieno, della torba o del polietilene nero sotto i frutti affinchè non si sporchino di terra e non marciscano per eccesso d'umidità. Alcune delle piante tenute a cespuglio tendono a produrre più foglie di quanto sia necessario, particolarmente quando si trovano in un buon terreno. Pressappoco all'inizio di luglio, controllate le attentamente e tagliate le foglie in eccesso ai fusti che stanno producendo ancora fiori, spuntando anche gli steli perchè essi non potrebbero ulteriormente dare fiori che maturino prima della fine della stagione.

And here is Google's version:
Plants grown in cord, pulling the jets that form the armpits of the leaves (ie where the leaves are placed on the trunk or on branches). Remember that these jets are sterile axillary, while clusters of fruits are formed directly on the branches of trees.
Disconnect then jets sterile as they appear: thus increases the productivity of plants. If you are a smoker and your fingers are dirty tobacco washed well before starting work or use a knife. Tomatoes are very susceptible to the virus of tobacco and there is danger you send it with your fingers! As the plants continue their development must bind well to support them at regular intervals to keep them perfectly vertical, or pass them around a special cord. The dwarf cultivars are less demanding in terms of support or do not need it at all. A very easy way to apply is to use auctions rather short and tie the plants in one place, then you run a cord alternately here and beyond the plant, from other auctions. The plants kept bushy stems that branch naturally possess more and more flexible. They do not need support, but when the fruits are swelling their weight will bend the branch to the ground.
So be good to lay some bait near snails and spread the strawof hay, of peat or polyethylene under black fruit so do not get dirty ground and rot to excessive moisture. Some of the plants required to bush tend to produce more leaves than necessary, particularly when they are in good soil. Roughly the beginning of July, check carefully and cut the leaves in excess of the drums that are still producing flowers, stems sprouting also because they could not give further flowers that mature before the end of the season.

[Elaine]

Hello Alan. Strewth! You would be hard pressed to make any sense of that little lot!
Cheers!

[The Mouse]

That's electronic translation for you!

I remember someone once asking me to translate a letter into Spanish for them, because they had learned the hard way not to trust computerized translators.

One of their children had married an Argentinian. The wedding took place in Argentina, and for various reasons they had been unable to attend. Afterwards, they decided to send a letter to the parents of their new daughter-in-law, and amongst other things they wanted to say how nice the newly-weds looked together in the wedding photos. Unfortunately, when they finally got to meet her parents nearly a year later, they discovered that it had been translated as 'they look very good on top of each other in the photos'!

Fortunately, the people in question had a good sense of humour!

[Primrose]

Some years ago when I was trying to learn Russian, we sent a food parcel to some Russian friends in Moscow at a time when their shops were empty and they were desperately short of food. I included a packet of multi-coloured pasta spirals in the parcel and fearing they wouldn't know what to do with them I attempted to put a translation on the packet. With the aid of a dictionary I thought I had made a reasonable stab of saying "Boil for 10 minutes". I subsequently learned that I'd actually told them to "Place on the carbuncle for 10 minutes". The jar of Marmite I also included, as "something typically English" also utterly defeated them. They probably thought it was also some kind of poultice to be spread on the "carbuncle".

[glallotments]

When I was at school my French penpal and I wrote to one another - I in French and she used English.

I remember a couple of my friends mistranslations - using one of those little Collins books.

On her birthday she went in the bath with friends and had bulb soup. Goodness knows what Collins made me say!!!

Also nce when I was on holiday in France we were having a meal with the owners of the gite we were staying in. I knew a puppy was a chienot so when I wanted to say kitten I used chatot (which sounded just like chateau) much hilarity!

[Primrose]

Reminds me of somebody's "franglais" when he tried to explain why he was late turning up for a meeting - he was held up in a "confiture de voitures".

[Monika]

When I first came to England (well over 50 years ago!) I needed to buy a pair of shoes and was most disappointed not to find any in a large high street shop with 'BOOTS' over the door.

I also amused a group of English friends when I thought that somebody who had been on a caravan holiday had been riding on camels across the desert.

I've learnt since then.

[oldherbaceous]

That has made me smile, Monika.

[richard p]

im sure ive read somewhere that the english version of the bible was a translation from a latin vesion , which was a translation from a greek version, which was a translation from... etc.... with each translation having an input from the beleifs of the bods doing the translation.... least thats what i told the god botherers ( sorry not sure which particular breed they were) on the doorstep this morning

[alan refail]

Then there was the "Wicked Bible"

Read the commandments carefully.

Wickedbible.jpg (13.54 KiB) Viewed 4085 times

[The Mouse]

When I was at school my French penpal and I wrote to one another - I in French and she used English.

I remember a couple of my friends mistranslations - using one of those little Collins books.

On her birthday she went in the bath with friends and had bulb soup. Goodness knows what Collins made me say!!!

Also nce when I was on holiday in France we were having a meal with the owners of the gite we were staying in. I knew a puppy was a chienot so when I wanted to say kitten I used chatot (which sounded just like chateau) much hilarity!

Ah, I remember those Collins dictionaries well.

I also remember my mum using one when she wanted to buy some elastic bands to tie my hair back with when we went to France for the first time many years ago.
Not surprisingly, the market stall-holder didn't sell 'elastiques orchestres' - and it didn't help that she pronounced it exactly like 'elastic orchestres!!!