Mid Life Crisis?

[Chantal]

It's taken me a week to post this, because I am still so totally stunned.

Last Wednesday I went to London for a couple of days and upon my return, wandered up to the lottie. When I arrived I noticed that a patch of land had been dug over and a bean wigwam erected. I commented to my plot neighbour that Seedling (we share the plot) must have been up there and he said "no, that was your husband". I looked at him as if he was mad and questioned him closely. He claimed that Tim had been to the plot, dug the ground and "planted some beans he'd got from his mother-in-law". By this time I was in need of sedation. In 7 years he's been to the plot on less then a dozen occasions and mostly under protest, even though all he's done is sit and read the paper in the sunshine.

Anyway, I phoned Tim and it turns out that when he was off work for a fortnight with flu last month, he spent every afternoon for a week watching Victorian Kitchen Garden and was inspired to plant beans! He asked my mum if she had any spare, went up there on my bike (taking a spade with him), dug the ground, built the wigwam, planted the beans, watered them and all in all had a lovely time, when HE COULD HAVE BEEN PLAYING GOLF!

He has since been back to water them and says he will keep doing so, but has turned down my offer of a key to the gate (he's so tall it's easy for him to climb over) as "that would be too much like moving in".

I told Seedling about this and she did a fair impression of a goldfish out of water saying "Tim...beans...Tim...beans?..." for some considerable time before we both decided we needed a drink.

What is going on? Is it a mid life crisis and he's gone for beans instead of a sports car/motorbike because he doesn't drive?

Should I be worried?

[Elle's Garden]

Hi Chantal,

It must be catching!! My husband takes no notice of the garden other than to walk through it commenting "you need to thin that out" before he departs out the gate with the dogs...

My brothers in law, myself and a friend have taken on a corner of a field with the express ambitition of growing our own Christmas dinner (one brother in law is a game farmer who rears turkeys), and having some fun along the way. Imagine my surprise when not only did my husband (also a Tim??) offer to come and help plant pototoes, but actually got on and dug the row, and then planted pototoes!! He has since been back to water them, earth them up, weed them and generally gloat about how his row looks so much healthier than everyone elses!!

I am not complaining as it is lovely to have his help, and nice to have him taking an active interest - just a bit weird after 19 years of nothing!!

[Shallot Man]

Chantal. He hasn't got another woman

[PLUMPUDDING]

I hope you've got over the shock. At least it sounds as though he's planted them in the right place and made a good job of it. I dread to think what my partner would have done using his initiative.

If he's doing something helpful I think I'd be grateful. The problems could rise if he starts doing things you don't want or putting stuff in the wrong place while you're not there. It was probably a temporary lapse (perhaps he was feverish with the flu!) and all will return to normal again.

[Chantal]

I don't mind if he does take an active part on the allotment, but when I suggested he had a little patch (around his beans) to plant other stuff, he backed off very quickly. I am delighted he's taking an interest, still stunned but delighted.

The other odd thing is, he doesn't even like beans!

[Victoria]

This made me laugh - when I got my allotment seven years ago, my husband wanted nothing to do with it, now I can hardly keep him off it! he says its the best thing I ever did!!

[Johnboy]

Hi Chantal,
Sounds like a case of intimidation to me!
JB.

[Chantal]

Hi Chantal,
Sounds like a case of intimidation to me!
JB.

Intimidation? Far from it JB. Tim plays golf, I go to the allotment. I don't ever want to play golf and, to date, he's never wanted to go to the allotment. The times I have persuaded him to go with me, I've given him a chair, the newspaper, beer and have only ever done this in glorious sunshine. I don't think he'd been near the place in 3 years until last week.

I'd know where I stood with a motorbike...

[oldherbaceous]

At least he didn't see a programme which was saying how good Russian vine looked.

You girls are always so suspicious when us boys do something just slightly out of character.

[Chantal]

Not really suspicious OH, just utterly baffled by the whole thing.

[oldherbaceous]

Right, i've been through some of my old case notes and found something that may explain the current situation.

Attention seeking, in Adults

This may start with people doing strange things to try and impress others, especially people close to them.
It normally starts with doing something that the other person is very good at, or enjoys doing.

If left unrewarded, it can lead to the person doing things that annoy the people that are close to them.

Appropriate rewards are,

Total silence when the Football world cup starts.
Cans of beer to be bought in and opened when needed.
Snacks to be provided, as and when.
A sympathetic ear to be lent, when the chosen team is not doing quite as well as expected.
And anything else that can be thought of to make the whole football experience more enjoyable.

Any claims for a misdiagnosis will be settled out of court.
Dr Herbaceous, O.L.D F.O.O.L.

[Primrose]

Definitely strange behaviour Chantal. My husband falls into a similar mould. In fact last year he actually went out and bought aubergines when there were plants a few feet from the kitchen door ready and waiting to be picked. However, he now knows there are two parsley plants in containers on the patio and he has actually managed to make it out to the garden and back to pick some for a potato salad. so hope springs eternal.

I guess if you're following the Agony Aunt columns, you will now be adopting the typical female response whenever you visit the allotment, i.e. putting on the make-up, generous sprays of expensive perfume and sprinkling names like Steve, John, Mike, etc generally into all your domestic conversations whenever you return. Perhaps that might get him up there more often !

[Catherine]

Well done Primrose you made us both laugh our socks off.

OH. I am lucky that my OH does not like football (or cricket or golf or tennis) so we will NOT be watching any of the World Cup so I will not have to supply any drinks, food etc. on the days the games are played. (neither do I) He does like walking, mountain biking ad camping like me which is fine.

[Primrose]

I love OH's comment "A sympathetic ear to be lent, when the chosen team is not doing quite as well as expected".

I always know when my husband's local football team has lost a match the moment he walks in through the front door. His face looks as if he's lost a mega million fortune in a stockmarket crash. I get the whole match replay over supper. (Must remember to put on my dark glasses and pretend I have conjunctivitis so that he can't see my eyes glazing over. )

[Chantal]

You may be right OH. The World Cup is nigh (14 days, 15 hours, 30 minutes to go as I type) and Tim is getting very over excited already; he lives for the World Cup at the moment. The fact that his beloved Leeds United have also been bumped up a league is just the icing on the cake

I am trying very hard to work with him on this and we have a huge FIFI World Cup fixtures poster in the living room ready for the kick off. The flags are folded and ready and I've downloaded the official World Cup apps and a fixtures apps for my iPhone so I have some hope of knowing what he's talking about. I'm even listening to Three Lions 2010 (which I do actually like a lot) and know all the words now. The beers will be in the fridge from next weekend and I know better than to so much as talk to the cats when England are playing.

He has no need to plant beans!

Oh and Primrose, I have no wish to bait him to the plot with jealously. I'm happy for him to take an interest, but that's my sanctuary