:lol Ace!Funnies to brighten your evening
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A man is going on holiday to Spain. It's the first time he's been, and he's a bit worried.
He says to his friend: How will I manage? I don't speak Spanish.'
His friend, who's been to Spain lots of times, answers: 'It's easy. All you have to do is talk very slowly, and very loudly.'
So the man gets to Spain. The first night he goes into a bar and decides to try out what his friend said: 'Hel-lo' he shouts to the man stood next to him at the bar. 'Are - you - on - ho-li-day?'
Incredibly, the man understands him! 'Yes - I - am - on - ho-li-day.' he shouts slowly back.
They strike up a conversation, which carries on in this loud slow way for ages.
Much later in the evening, the first man asks: 'Where - are - you - from ?'
The second man answers: 'I - am - from - Barns-ley.
'
The first man is amazed. 'But - I - am - from - Barns-ley - too!' , he shouts.
He thinks for a moment, then continues: 'But - if - I - am - from - Barns-ley, - and - you - are - from - Barns-ley, - why - are - we - spea-king - Spa-nish?'
(Apologies if you are from Barnsley. That just happened to be in the original joke - don't know why!)
He says to his friend: How will I manage? I don't speak Spanish.'
His friend, who's been to Spain lots of times, answers: 'It's easy. All you have to do is talk very slowly, and very loudly.'
So the man gets to Spain. The first night he goes into a bar and decides to try out what his friend said: 'Hel-lo' he shouts to the man stood next to him at the bar. 'Are - you - on - ho-li-day?'
Incredibly, the man understands him! 'Yes - I - am - on - ho-li-day.' he shouts slowly back.
They strike up a conversation, which carries on in this loud slow way for ages.
Much later in the evening, the first man asks: 'Where - are - you - from ?'
The second man answers: 'I - am - from - Barns-ley.
'
The first man is amazed. 'But - I - am - from - Barns-ley - too!' , he shouts.
He thinks for a moment, then continues: 'But - if - I - am - from - Barns-ley, - and - you - are - from - Barns-ley, - why - are - we - spea-king - Spa-nish?'
(Apologies if you are from Barnsley. That just happened to be in the original joke - don't know why!)
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
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snooky
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Remember when your Mother told you never to take sweets from a stranger...
This is the one she was talking about!!!!
This is the one she was talking about!!!!
- sweets.jpg (69.22 KiB) Viewed 4703 times
Regards snooky
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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
!-
alan refail
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In memory of the late Clement Freud.
A story he told on "Just a Minute" a few years ago now.
The Duke of Norfolk was visiting Hollywood and Marilyn Monroe took a great liking to the handsome English nobleman.
In order to gain his attention she sent him a bottle of the finest Bourbon, but the Duke sent it straight back.
The next day she sent him a box of the finest Havana cigars. These went straight back, too.
In frustration, on the third day Marilyn sent him a perfumed note inviting him round to her apartment.
Unable to stand it any longer, the Duke sent back a brief note:
"Dear Miss Monroe
Thank you for the whisky and the cigars, but I must decline your amorous advances. I neither drink nor smoke. Norfolk".
A story he told on "Just a Minute" a few years ago now.
The Duke of Norfolk was visiting Hollywood and Marilyn Monroe took a great liking to the handsome English nobleman.
In order to gain his attention she sent him a bottle of the finest Bourbon, but the Duke sent it straight back.
The next day she sent him a box of the finest Havana cigars. These went straight back, too.
In frustration, on the third day Marilyn sent him a perfumed note inviting him round to her apartment.
Unable to stand it any longer, the Duke sent back a brief note:
"Dear Miss Monroe
Thank you for the whisky and the cigars, but I must decline your amorous advances. I neither drink nor smoke. Norfolk".
I love that dry sense of humour. -
peter
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Snooky, did Old Herbaceous finally stop paying for you to not publish the snap of him at the Milton Bryan fete? 
Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.
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I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
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oldherbaceous
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At least Snooky didn't put the risky one of me on. 
Kind Regards, Old Herbaceous.
There's no fool like an old fool.
There's no fool like an old fool.
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peter
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OH, was that in your "Stop me and buy one outfit"?
I'm assuming that you did not win a prize with the costume Snooky has already posted, due to the fact that it was considered by the judges to "Just be a load of balls"?
I'm assuming that you did not win a prize with the costume Snooky has already posted, due to the fact that it was considered by the judges to "Just be a load of balls"?
Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
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snooky
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Don"t you wish you had one
About the time you thought you had seen it all,here"s a"safe sex"dress.
No virus was found in this message.My computer used one of the condoms......
About the time you thought you had seen it all,here"s a"safe sex"dress.
No virus was found in this message.My computer used one of the condoms......
- dress.jpg (121.52 KiB) Viewed 4614 times
Regards snooky
---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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oldherbaceous
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At least one size should fit all, as i imagine it would be pretty stretchy. 
Kind Regards, Old Herbaceous.
There's no fool like an old fool.
There's no fool like an old fool.
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alan refail
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oldherbaceous
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Dear Pongeroon, i have to say, that's rather clever.
Kind Regards, Old Herbaceous.
There's no fool like an old fool.
There's no fool like an old fool.