The R S P C A Inspector travelled 100 miles to inspect a zoo after lots of complaints from the public
When the Inspector arrived he found just one lonely dog there who was so pleased to see him
He reported back to head office
"The complaints are justified it was a Shitzu"
Joke for today
Moderators: KG Steve, Chantal, Tigger, peter
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Happymouse
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Make it a habit to be happy
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alan refail
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But not as bad as this
A man took his dog to the Vet. He said, "Doctor, I think my dog is dead."
The Vet told him to put the dog on the table and then left the room. Soon he came back with a cat. The cat sniffed the dogs ears, his nose and then walked all over him.
The Vet said, "Yes, your dog is dead. That will be £100 and £20."
The man said, "£100 and £20! What for?"
The Vet said, "£20 for my fee and £100 for the cat scan."
A man took his dog to the Vet. He said, "Doctor, I think my dog is dead."
The Vet told him to put the dog on the table and then left the room. Soon he came back with a cat. The cat sniffed the dogs ears, his nose and then walked all over him.
The Vet said, "Yes, your dog is dead. That will be £100 and £20."
The man said, "£100 and £20! What for?"
The Vet said, "£20 for my fee and £100 for the cat scan."
Cred air o bob deg a glywi, a thi a gei rywfaint bach o wir (hen ddihareb Gymraeg)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
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Colin_M
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alan refail wrote:The Vet said, "£20 for my fee and £100 for the cat scan."
Come on! If you're going to do it right, you need to include the others. There's definitely a Labrador that comes in (The Lab test).
I'm sure there's one other too. Anyone else remember it?
Colin
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Chantal
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A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room, comes out with a cat, and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says,
"I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "£650."
"£650 to tell me my dog is dead?!?!" exclaimed the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you £50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional £600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room, comes out with a cat, and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says,
"I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "£650."
"£650 to tell me my dog is dead?!?!" exclaimed the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you £50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional £600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."
Chantal
I know this corner of the earth, it smiles for me...
I know this corner of the earth, it smiles for me...
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peter
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An Englishman, Scotsman and the proverbial Irishman want to go the 2012Olympics in east London. However they don’t have tickets. As the venue still has some debris lying around, the Englishman spots alength of scaffolding, picks it up, walks to the security area and says, "Wilkinson-Smythe, English, Pole-vault", he is let into thestadium. The Scotsman lifts up a man-hole cover, puts it under his arm goes to the security area and says "Kilpatrick, Scotland, Discus." He toois let into the arena. The Irishman, having watched the previous two thinks this a great idea, picks up a roll of barbed wire, walks into thesecurity area and says "O’Malley, Ireland, fencing."
Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
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peter
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In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more,and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we was friends."
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more,and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we was friends."
Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
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alan refail
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Before the thread goes dead.....................another oldie
A man was driving along a motorway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken off the motorway, down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?" The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked, "How do they taste?. The farmer replied, "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."
Alan
A man was driving along a motorway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken off the motorway, down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?" The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked, "How do they taste?. The farmer replied, "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."
Alan