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Please can we have some more 'funnies'?
Moderators: KG Steve, Chantal, Tigger, peter, Chief Spud
- snooky
- KG Regular
- Posts: 999
- Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:03 pm
- Location: Farnborough
- Has thanked: 10 times
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Due to the current travel restrictions I have heard it is advisable to wear a face mask indoors. Nothing to do with the spread of covid but to prevent overeating!
Regards snooky
---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
Letter in this week's Country Life:
...... My friend the late Hubert Baillie as in charge of the [officers'] mess [of the Grenadier Guards] in he 1970s. Being a man of good and sophisticated taste, he had an arrangement of dried flowers displayed in the ante room - at vast expense. The next day, they had disappeared and, rather taken aback, he asked the mess sergeant where they had been moved to. The sergeant replied, "They were dead, sir, so I threw them out."
...... My friend the late Hubert Baillie as in charge of the [officers'] mess [of the Grenadier Guards] in he 1970s. Being a man of good and sophisticated taste, he had an arrangement of dried flowers displayed in the ante room - at vast expense. The next day, they had disappeared and, rather taken aback, he asked the mess sergeant where they had been moved to. The sergeant replied, "They were dead, sir, so I threw them out."
- snooky
- KG Regular
- Posts: 999
- Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:03 pm
- Location: Farnborough
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger
A lot of people say its a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer f***
If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they cant have a headache and sex at the same time?
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger
A lot of people say its a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer f***
If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they cant have a headache and sex at the same time?
Regards snooky
---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
Barry Cryer's favourite rude joke from the The Oldie mag -
Because I'm getting on a bit, I've replaced sex with food.
It's working brilliantly.
I love food so much, I've put a mirror on the ceiling over the kitchen table.
John
Because I'm getting on a bit, I've replaced sex with food.
It's working brilliantly.
I love food so much, I've put a mirror on the ceiling over the kitchen table.
John
The Gods do not subtract from the allotted span of men’s lives, the hours spent fishing Assyrian tablet
What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning Werner Heisenberg
I am a man and the world is my urinal
What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning Werner Heisenberg
I am a man and the world is my urinal
- peter
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- Contact:
Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
- Primrose
- KG Regular
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- Location: Bucks.
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Heard a Doctor on TV recently (Norman Swan on ABC) telling us that we needed
children to play in the dirt with their dogs and cats and be allowed to
build up some immunity! Well, bugger me! Who would have thought?
My mum used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same
cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get
food poisoning. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown
paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting E.coli.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the creek, the lake or
at the beach instead of a pristine chlorinated pool (talk about boring), no
beach closures then either?.
We all took PE . And risked permanent injury with a pair of Dunlop sandshoes
or bare feet if you couldn't afford the runners instead of having
cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built-in light
reflectors that cost as much as a small car.
I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us
how much safer we are now.
We got the cane or the strap for doing something wrong at school, they used
to call it discipline yet we all grew up to accept the rules and to honour &
respect those older than us.
We had at least 40 kids in our class and somehow, we all learned to read and
write, do maths and spell almost all the words needed to write a
grammatically correct letter......., FUNNY THAT!!
We all said prayers in school irrespective of our religion, sang the
national anthem and saluted the Flag and no one got upset. Staying in
detention after school netted us all sorts of negative attention, we wish
we hadn't got.
And we all knew we had to accomplish something before we were allowed to be
proud of ourselves.
I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station,
Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. We weren't!! Don’t even
mention about the rope swing into the river or climbing trees.
Oh yeah ... And where were the antibiotics and sterilisation kit when I got
that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played "King of the Castle" on piles of dirt or gravel left on vacant
building sites and when we got hurt, mum pulled out the 2/6d bottle of
iodine and then we got our backside spanked. Now it's a trip to the
emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of antibiotics and then mum calls
the lawyer to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of
gravel where it was such a threat.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were
from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?
We never needed to get into group therapy and/or anger management classes.
We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even
notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!
How did we ever survive?
LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT
YOU MISSED. WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!
Pass this to someone and remember that life's most simple pleasures are very
often the best.
AAAh, those WERE the days!!!!
children to play in the dirt with their dogs and cats and be allowed to
build up some immunity! Well, bugger me! Who would have thought?
My mum used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same
cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get
food poisoning. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown
paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting E.coli.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the creek, the lake or
at the beach instead of a pristine chlorinated pool (talk about boring), no
beach closures then either?.
We all took PE . And risked permanent injury with a pair of Dunlop sandshoes
or bare feet if you couldn't afford the runners instead of having
cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built-in light
reflectors that cost as much as a small car.
I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us
how much safer we are now.
We got the cane or the strap for doing something wrong at school, they used
to call it discipline yet we all grew up to accept the rules and to honour &
respect those older than us.
We had at least 40 kids in our class and somehow, we all learned to read and
write, do maths and spell almost all the words needed to write a
grammatically correct letter......., FUNNY THAT!!
We all said prayers in school irrespective of our religion, sang the
national anthem and saluted the Flag and no one got upset. Staying in
detention after school netted us all sorts of negative attention, we wish
we hadn't got.
And we all knew we had to accomplish something before we were allowed to be
proud of ourselves.
I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station,
Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. We weren't!! Don’t even
mention about the rope swing into the river or climbing trees.
Oh yeah ... And where were the antibiotics and sterilisation kit when I got
that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played "King of the Castle" on piles of dirt or gravel left on vacant
building sites and when we got hurt, mum pulled out the 2/6d bottle of
iodine and then we got our backside spanked. Now it's a trip to the
emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of antibiotics and then mum calls
the lawyer to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of
gravel where it was such a threat.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were
from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?
We never needed to get into group therapy and/or anger management classes.
We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even
notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!
How did we ever survive?
LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT
YOU MISSED. WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!
Pass this to someone and remember that life's most simple pleasures are very
often the best.
AAAh, those WERE the days!!!!