Real life funnies

[alan refail]

A few things that really happened and have amused me in recent weeks.

The first from our granddaughter who is currently working with our Welsh Labour MEP in Strasbourg. A few years back said MEP visited China. As he was to visit schools he decided it would be a good idea to take small presents for the Chinese children. Accordingly he ordered several thousand pens to distribute. When they arrived at his office they proudly bore

and four words:

CYMRU

and



Made in China

They are apparently still cluttering his office in Cardiff.


Back in the late 1950's the chairman of American steel was addressing a conference of businessmen in Swansea. He commented that the Welsh lacked the go-getting approach to business of the Americans. "I looked in a Welsh dictionary," he said triumphantly "and there's not even a Welsh word for entrepreneur."
"And what," came a voice from the back "is the English for entrepreneur?"


And a couple of items from the local press recently.

A North Wales man was jailed for possessing indecent images of children. He was caught when the burglar who had stolen his laptop shopped him to the police.

Burglar jailed last week. Caught because he left his passport behind.

[Stephen]

Alan, we should include the roadsign produced in 2008 on which the Welsh language version read "I am out of the office at the moment." because the work was sent by e-mail.
No doubt you recall this (and had a mighty chuckle about it at the time - in Welsh of course )

[Stephen]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7702913.stm

[JohnN]

Fishing on the west coast of Ireland some years ago I went down to the local bar/shop. with the daughter of the guest house owner where we were staying, a colleen who spoke fluent gaelic.
In the window of the shop was a typical tourist tempter, a plaster donkey and cart, with a quite long inscription in gaelic on the base. I assumed it said something like "Welcome to the Emerald Isle" so I asked Sheila to translate. She looked embarrassed, then said quietly, "This article made in Japan".
Actually, it was a clever move by the makers. The law says they must put that somewhere on the item, so they put it nice and big, knowing that most buyers wouldn't have a clue what it meant!

[Marigold]

Fishing on the west coast of Ireland some years ago I went down to the local bar/shop. with the daughter of the guest house owner where we were staying, a colleen who spoke fluent gaelic.
In the window of the shop was a typical tourist tempter, a plaster donkey and cart, with a quite long inscription in gaelic on the base. I assumed it said something like "Welcome to the Emerald Isle" so I asked Sheila to translate. She looked embarrassed, then said quietly, "This article made in Japan".
Actually, it was a clever move by the makers. The law says they must put that somewhere on the item, so they put it nice and big, knowing that most buyers wouldn't have a clue what it meant!

One of the small things we sell is elastic hairbands adorned with crocheted flowers and butterflies. We get the bands in from the US and tell the folk that they are wider and softer than the ones in the shops here and kinder to hair. Yesterday at a Craft Fair one lady got a little shirty and said she liked to buy Irish.. So I told her that the ones in the shops here are Made in China...The silence was awesome... Did not tell her that the ones we get from the US apart from being a tenth of the price we pay here are also.... Made in China.

[alan refail]

One from our local paper today. I've heard of some excuses, but this takes some beating!

TWO GIRLS yesterday told how a man exposed himself while they were walking together in Pwllheli.

They were giving evidence against chef Suleyman Mehmet, 23, who formerly worked at Coconut Kitchen, Abersoch, and allegedly exposed himself in Pwllheli to four girls on separate occasions between March 28 and April 10 last year.

Mehmet, now of Parrot Row, Blaina, Gwent, pleads not guilty to each charge of exposing his genitals intending to cause alarm or distress.

But he pleads guilty to four charges of outraging public decency with a plastic penis.


The first girl told Caernarfon Court that she and a friend were walking up a hill when a red car came down and slowed down.

In a recorded video evidence played to the court, the girl said she turned round and the driver was exposing himself.

She said his jeans and belt were open and pulled down to his thighs.

She said: “He made a silly, creepy face.”

“He sort of lifted himself up a bit from the seat. His back was right against the seat.”

Asked in a police interview if she was sure if it was a real penis and not a fake one, she said “Yes.”

Cross-examined live by defence barrister Elen Owen via video link the girl said: “From what I saw. It was real.”

In a recorded video evidence, the second girl said: “It was in his hand. He had raised himself up – his back and his behind.”

In cross-examination by Ms Owen, the girl said: “I’m sure it was a real one.

“It was in the right place on his body.”

Prosecutor Dafydd Roberts said Mehmet had denied in a police interview that he had been the driver and had showed his penis.

He said: “You’ve got it wrong.

“It wasn’t me at all.”

Mr Roberts said Mehmet had since changed his story, now saying he was “playing around with a plastic penis”.

The defendant is expected to give evidence today.

http://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-w ... -30648618/

[peter]

How about this one?

Perhaps this half-witted couple had been smoking a little too much of their own stock when they decided to ring the police to report that their £10,000 cannabis farm had been stolen. Officers easily weeded out dumb duo Colin Roberts and Mandy Coghlan who had contacted them after discovering that dozens of their own cannabis plants had been taken.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... ds-newsxml

[alan refail]

Update on the plastic "thingy". The excuses get better and better!

A CHEF accused of exposing himself to girls four times said he only used an expandable, plastic penis.

He later threw out of his car window on the M6 motorway to “get it out of his life,” a court heard.

Suleyman Mehmet, 22, told a jury that after being charged last April 10 he drove to Scotland the following day because he “wanted to get away from it all”.

But a prosecutor at Caernarfon Crown Court rejected the claim he had slung the item away at Carlisle and said he is too embarrassed to admit he used his own penis in the four acts in Pwllheli last year.


The jury was yesterday afternoon sent home after failing to reach a verdict. Jurors will continue their deliberations this morning.

Mehmet, who formerly worked at Coconut Kitchen, Abersoch, and now lives in Parrot Row in Gwent, denies four charges of exposing his genitals intending to cause alarm or distress but admits four charges of outraging public decency with a plastic penis.

Mehmet said he wanted to get the object out of his life: “I threw it as far as I could driving up through Carlisle.” Cross examined about his actions after the alleged offences, the prosecutor Dafydd Roberts told him: “That plastic penis is a magic piece of evidence.”

Mehmet replied: “I regret getting rid of it now.”

Earlier, the defendant told defence barrister Elen Owen that he had found the plastic penis on an Abersoch beach the previous year, in 2010.

He said he put it in the wardrobe in his rented bedroom in Abersoch and brought it out in 2011 “for a laugh”.

The court heard he is accused of exposing his private parts to one girl in Pwllheli on April 10. Shortly afterwards, he was driving by the sea front when he realised he was being chased by a man. Mehmet said the man flashed his lights, came up close threateningly, and he saw in his mirror that the chaser was putting his hand across his neck saying “You’re dead”.

Mehmet said: “I was afraid. I just panicked. I was not going to pull over.” Mehmet dialled 999 from his car. Police arrived, separated the men and arrested Mehmet for exposure offences.

Asked by judge Recorder Duncan Bould why he hadn’t told police they were making a “big mistake,” as the fake penis existed, Mehmet said his mind was everywhere after he was charged.

The bit I really love is: “That plastic penis is a magic piece of evidence.”

http://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-w ... -30655860/

[alan refail]

Ah well, the excuses didn't work

http://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-w ... -30662899/

[Marigold]

Sign in a Post Office/shop here..

FREE OFFER.. to all shoplifters, a free ride in a Garda car..."

[JohnN]

Conversation between me and an Irish boat skipper just after I had checked the boat over before going out fishing
Me: Mick, there’s no fire extinguisher on board.
Mick: It’s up at the house.
Me: Don’t you think we’d better put it on the boat?
Mick: Ah, Jesus, you’re not thinking of setting fire to the boat, are you?

[alan refail]

Smelly balls.jpg (105.44 KiB) Viewed 6712 times

I took this at Criccieth Fair last month. No, I don't know what they smell of!

[Chantal]

I recall some years ago that a man was in court accused of exposing himself at a tube station, by flashing at a woman standing on the opposite platform.

In his defence, he claimed that his "penis was so small it would not be possible to see it from the opposite platform"!

One hell of a defence...

[alan refail]

I only discovered yesterday that one of the developers of Viagra was Mike Wyllie

He has just come up with another aid for the limp

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/artic ... ds-newsxml

[Geoff]

Sign seen some years ago

FREE RANGE
EGGS AND APPLES