Christmas 'funnie' (I can relate to this quite easily)

[Beryl]

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not

produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to

feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit,

which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of

them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the

fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh,

one of the floorboards cracked,

the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and

a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the

elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his

frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug,

and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all

over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all

the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang,

and an irritated Santa marched to the door,

yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with

a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa.

Isn't this a lovely day?

I have a beautiful tree for you.

Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on

top of the Christmas tree.

.....lots of people don't know this.

[oldherbaceous]

Dear Beryl, now i wasn't quite ready for that answer.

[Beryl]

Gave me a chuckle to OH. I'm not exactly under Christmas pressure yet just 'kitchen renovations', things not arriving, bits missing from boxes etc. a job that should have taken 10 days or so is now 3 weeks and counting
I have a workman who is a perfectionist so it will be worth it - just frustrating.

Hey ho!
Beryl.

[oldherbaceous]

Dear Beryl, all the years that i was in the building trade, kitchens would cause the biggest headaches.
It would be the one part that you really wanted to go the smoothest for the customers, but as you have found, there would always be bits missing, or the wrong parts delivered.
Very frustrating for all concerned.

So i hope the bits soon get sorted, and you have a lovely new kitchen ready for Christmas.

[alan refail]

It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mum if he could have a new bike. So, she told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mum told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote ' Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.' But he wasn't very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote 'Dear Jesus, I'm a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.' He read it back and wasn't happy with that one either. He tried a third version. 'Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.' He read that one too, but he still wasn't satisfied.
So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. 'Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you'd better send me a new bike.'

[oldherbaceous]

With all this freezing, snowy weather we have had just lately, cook has spent nearly all her time looking through the window, i suppose i'll have to let her back in soon!

[alan refail]

[oldherbaceous]

Just what i needed Alan, thank you.

[Geoff]

I've always liked that one - been making it into Christmas cards for years.
Went to look for the Reindeer steaks Lidl have been advertising yesterday but they didn't have any.

[Elaine]

Christmas is nearly here! Yay! I can't wait...........

for it to over and done with so we can get back to normal!

Bah humbug!

[Shallot Man]

Cant be long before Easter Eggs are on sale.