Aged parents

[lucysmum]

Hi
Not sure if this is the place to talk about this, but need a gardener to understand. I caught my green fingers from my Dad who is now 80. His garden was always beautiful, and us 4 kids grew up on gluts of broad beans, rubbard, chard, beetroot,red currants etc etc (not all on one plate). But now Dad finds it hard to manage, the garden is looking sad. When I visit he gives me stuff, last week, loads of seeds, a lovely heated tray. I did a bit for him, hoeing & tidying up, but its such a shame and I can only get over there in school holidays..
Is anyone in a similar situation and have any advice.
I know this part of the forum is usually light hearted & I'm sorry to depress anyone.

[glallotments]

Hi Lucysmum,
Many new houses now hardly have any garden and I'm sure you could get someone to adopt your dad's garden on a sort of share scheme - especially if there is chance of growing some vegetables. The agreement could be that they do the work and your parents share any produce veg, cut flowers etc.

[oldherbaceous]

Dear Lucysmum, i always think general chatter is for light hearted stuff, but also very much for lending a listening ear if someone needs it.
I know this from two years ago when i needed just that.

I'm not really sure what advice i can give though, i suppose hiring some help in is out of the question, maybe just to do the heavy jobs!
Another thought, is to try and get rid of any awkward, time consuming areas. Maybe turf, or ground cover with shrubs planted in.

Not sure if their are any schemes where you can get voluntary help for gardens, maybe someone else might be able to help there.

[WestHamRon]

Hi Lucysmum,
Many new houses now hardly have any garden and I'm sure you could get someone to adopt your dad's garden on a sort of share scheme - especially if there is chance of growing some vegetables. The agreement could be that they do the work and your parents share any produce veg, cut flowers etc.

I think this is a briliant idea. there are loads of people that want to grow their own veg but don't have much space.

[lizzie]

How about trying the land share scheme that Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall started a few years ago. It might be worth a look at for some ideas

http://www.landshare.org/

Hope you get your problem sorted out. I'm sure it will perk your dad up to see his beautiful garden back in production fully again.

[richard p]

play groups and infants schools are good places to find younger people wanting to grow their own but living in shoe boxes without gardens.

[glallotments]

Another thought is council's somtimes operate a scheme where elderly people can be supported -this may involve young offenders groups or people who have a community service order on them.

[Shallot Man]

As most allotment sites have long waiting lists for plots, maybe they might help.

[lucysmum]

Thank you every one.There are some lovely ideas, I'm going to have alook into a few. They live in a small village in Lincolnshire with not many facilities, but I'm sure there must be people who would love to share the garden. Dad would love to be on hand with helpful advice!
Thank you for being so understanding. Gardeners are such good people. I'm getting emotional!!!

[glallotments]

Let us know how you get on Lucysmum

[John]

Hello Lucysmum
Have you thought about reducing the area that needs serious cultivation so that your dad can concentrate on a small manageable area - perhaps just a few productive beds that he could take a pride in. The rest could be put down to grass (not the awful gravel) and you could get some lawn guys in to keep this in shape. We did this when my FIL couldn't cope with his garden and it worked well. I think its very important to keep up an active interest like this as you get older for as long as possible. When he finally had to give up and move to a flat he just seemed to suddenly give up on everything.

For an elderly person to have strangers in the garden might be very stressful.

John

[Suzie]

For my part LM, I am very comfortable with your sharing your concerns about your Father here - I realise I am new here, but I already feel able to share happy/sad/concerned etc.

I don't have elder parent issue, as my Father (my inspiration in all things horticultural) shuffled off over ten years ago. Good luck with sorting your Pa out

[Primrose]

It's difficult to watch when you find your parents are no longer coping. My dad loved his runner beans and tomatoes but when he got to his mid 80's he found it really difficult to cope and I had a 100 mile journey and my week-ends there were full of shopping , bulk cooking for their freezer and sorting out their paperwork, But my dad was so distressed at his garden going to pot that I did get a gardener in to do the heavy stuff and I did the planting out and weeding when I could, so that he at least had the illusion of still being able to "tend his patch". This was really important for him psychologically although in the end, all he was doing was just picking the products but he felt that he was still doing something useful.
Could a gardener do the heavy stuff for him so that he then just has the lighter tasks to cope with? Or are there any local Scouts, etc. who would be prepared to do the odd stint for a donation to their funds?

[glallotments]

Unfortunately (in one sense) I didn't have that experience as both my parents died in their 60s.