Kitchen Garden Forum

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
- Franklin Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Pedigree is up to 1.50 a can. That's almost £21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

Like that!

(and they can lick their balls even when they haven't got any)

They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered?
~ Larry Reeb

He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.
~ Ben Franklin

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs.
~ Martha Scott

If dogs could talk, perhaps we’d find it just as hard to get along with them as we do people.
~ Karel Capek 1890-1938 Czech Journalist.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
6:00PM - BATH, BUMMER!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Hi Chantal,
My only observation is that a person may own a dog but with a cat the cat owns the person.
JB.

Hi Chantal,

That is brilliant!

I agree JB, I've heard it said that dog's have owners whereas cats have staff.

Thanks, Chantal. That's really brightened up my day!

Alan's mention of Karel Capek reminds me of his lovely "Gardener's Prayer":
(I may have put that on the KG forum before so, if you have read it before, apologies!)

O Lord, grant that in some way it may rain every day,
Say from about midnight until three o'clock in the morning,
But, You see, it must be gentle and warm so that it can soak in;
Grant that at the same time it would not rain on
campion, alyssum, helianthus, lavendar, and others which
You in Your infinite wisdom know are drought-loving plants -
I will write their names on a bit of paper if you like-
And grant that the sun may shine the whole day long,
But not everywhere (not, for instance, on the
gentian, plantain lily, and rhododendron) and not too much;
That there may be plenty of dew and little wind,
enough worms, no lice and snails, or mildew,
and that once a week thin liquid manure and guano
may fall from heaven.
Amen.

I have a fridge magnet which reads;
The difference between dogs and cats. Dogs come when called and cats take a message and get back to you

Spot on that!
Cheers.

I would usually agree Elaine, but Fabio comes when called every time, either in or out of the house

Hi Chantal. Yes I agree, there are exceptions! Tibby usually came when called, up until her last couple of months, when the poor aud lass couldn't be bothered!
Cheers.

Dear Chantal, maybe Fabio is a little like myself, a sucker for a pretty face that is.

OK, who are you and what you have you done with OH?

One more for Peters list. Lock both your dog and the wife in the boot of the car, guess which one will be pleased to see you when you open the boot.