Kitchen Garden Forum

I know this is nothing to do with gardening,but i thought with everyones brains put together,i might be able to sort this one out.
Last week i had a long time friend come up to stay with the family,she was only coming up for 1 night,but she brought her dog,a cross pit bull,which she did not tell me she was doing.The last time she came to visit she asked me could she bring her dog,which my answer was no,due to us already having a dog,so she already knew my thoughts on the dog.
Anyway,my o.h and me walked into our house to find her sitting with her dog on our couch and my husband made a comment about the dog being on the couch,which she chose to ignor and we both werent happy about the breed as we have young children in the house.She told us that the dog was a rescue dog from ireland and was used as a fighting dog,which made us more concerned.
My friend chose to ignore more requests reg the dog on the couch and said to me if my o.h had a problem with the dog on the couch,to voice this too her himself.Which he did explaining that our own dog was not aloud on the couch so could she get hers down,to which she replied "no,he stays on my couch at home,he is very stressed at the moment and she thought my o.h was making an issue out of nothing"My husband then chose to go to a friends as not to blow his top.
I explained to my friend that i thought it was very rude of her,after all she was in our house and a guest.To which she told me she thought my o.h was a bully and a control freak and did not let me do what i wanted and as he was a prison officer,this prooved her point.
I found myself telling her,this was not the case and i had lots of friends,whome i go abroad with and have nights out with.Then i felt angry that i was explaining myself to her.I told her that it was not the issue of the dog on the couch ,but the breed around our children and as she does not have children the dog was not used to ours and was stressed and could bite one of my children.
She told me this was nonsense and he would not do this.The rest of the night i just got on with and she went the next day.
I feel very confused over the situation as i dont kmow what i am most angry with.The issue that she did not seem to care about my concerns for our children, took advantage of our hospitality,the issue that she knows i do not like confrontations,or the issue that she thinks my o.h is a control freak.
I feel that i have seen a different side to her,would like to keep the friendship,but dont know if i can now knowing her views.
what would you do?

Grock, that ain't no friend.
Sorry, but that's the truth, no respect for other people and then tries to shit-stir when caught out.
Your OH is very tactful and good to you with the way he treated it.
I'd drop her, possibly off a high cliff with her revolting animal.
How the heck did she get in with you two out anyway?
My MIL doesn't bring her rope-rat with her when she visits cos I cannot stand the yappy rat which has no dog manners, just jumps on anything as if it is its bed.
Best wishes, Peter.

Peter every thing you have said is what every one up here is telling me to do.she got in while we were out as my daughter was in ha ha,but we were expecting her.
Thank you for your advice

Dear Grockie, you know what i think, a kind and thoughtful person like yourself doesn't deserve that.

Thanks hun bunch got your P.M will take your advice

Sorry to hear about that experience, Grock. I agree with Peter - she certainly doesn't sound like a friend if she behaves like that. Regardless of the breed of dog, the fact is that she knowingly abused your hospitality and kindness and topped it with personal insults about your husband. Really not on. Friendships are meant to be two way things.
Confrontation can be a very difficult thing to deal with, especially when you are close to the situation. A useful way of dealing with it would be to write to your 'friend' and explain how hurtful her behaviour made you feel, and that you could not allow her into your home again unless she understood this and promised not to repeat it. by writing, you will be able to express yourself clearly and be able to say what you want without fear of an argument or having your words twisted. If she does regard you as a true friend, the very first thing she should do is offer an apology. If this isn't forthcoming, perhaps you ought to review the relationship and question what you get from it. If there isn't anything positive, is it worth continuing?
I hope things work out for you.
Best wishes,
Vivien

Hi Grocky,
You should set Lizzie on her!
Now seriously, as Peter has said she is no friend. If it was me I would have shown her the door the second she got lippy. I think that your husband showed great strength of character in dealing with the situation as he did. He was obviously so bloody cross with the person that he probably would have become violent and that would have given her the upper hand and he would probably lose his job
Sadly I feel that you should disassociate yourself from this person and she should never be allowed to cross your threshold ever again.
With regards to the dog in question. That dog should have been wearing a muzzle and I for one would be inclined to dob her in and inform the powers that be that she is an irresponsible owner to have such a dog. I am not given to dobbing in anybody usually but if in the months to come that dog attacks somebody how do you think you will feel?
JB.

Hi Grock

I agree with what everyone has said, so I'm not going to repeat everything.

This person is not a "friend".

Grock,
I too agree with everything that has been said already, she can't be a real friend to have behaved so obnoxiously.

I would not have her or especially the dog back in the house again, but that's just me




edited coz I am stupid

Sorry to hear about your upsetting experience.

I must say my first thoughts were not to have any more to do with her, but if you do still want her as a friend, you could always meet her for a shopping trip and lunch, or the theatre, or somewhere on neutral ground that she can't bring her dog.

Thank you all so much for all your views and advice,you all say the same thing and i guess deep down i knew the answer.I just feel really sad about this,but i know i will never feel the same about my friend knowing her views.Thanks everyone for helping me make up my mind xxxxx

My gorgeous little Grockie...........you know what I think when we discussed it.

She should have shown respect for your house. If you were going to hers and she asked you not to take Frodo, you wouldn't take him.

She knew your views before she came to stay at yours.

To be honest, and you know how stupid our Chiefie is, you can't trust any dog cos, after all, they are a wild animal.

Just explain to her again and, if she still insists shes done nothing wrong, then you know what you must do.

Big hugs to my bestest buddy, and I love you lots.

I'll ring you later on.........had an embarrasing incident yesterday at the lottie

Dear Grockie, don't go feeling too sad for too long, you're too nicer person for that.
Anyway there are lots more things in life to be happy about.


Can you let us know what Lizzies embarrassing mishap was, we won't tell her you have told us all.

Grockie
I am with you every time.
Pets on the floor
Respect the rules of the house (or better) when visiting not how you behave at home.
If you miss the rules then apologise and conform afterwards.

And... (I apologise for my intolerance) pit-pulls are not acceptable anyway.

When i went to stay with Chantal for a rather wonderful weekend, she asked me not to smoke while I was at her house or on the lottie.

Fair enough, so I didn't smoke because it was what she requested whilst I was in her company. Not a problem at all.

It's down to having respect for the hostess and for the house rules.

It's down to good manners.