Kitchen Garden Forum

Actually nothing that funny has happened to me on the allotment other than applying Nemaslug nematodes in the pouring rain. I spent a happy hour mixing and watering all the beds with a watering can. To anyone seeing me they must have thought what on earth is that batty woman doing watering her beds in torrential rain!
I suppose it isn't funny lobbing snails over into your neighbour's garden. It is a wildlife patch and overgrown! I justify it in telling each and every snail they are flying Mollusc Airways and jetting off to some leafy paradise and inviting them to stay as long as they want.


Have you had any funny things happen on your allotment? Have you a humorous tale to tell about your garden veg patch? Uplifting or quirky stories will also be welcome as will any mysteries you have never managed to solve? We hope to include some of them in a future issue of KG. The one we deem the best will win their owner a six month digital KG subscription. So please do spill the 'runner' beans and let us know. We will change the names to protect the innocent! You can also send them direct to erawlings@mortons.co.uk if you prefer.

Apart from doing the same but with thunder and lightning accompanying me not a lot happens on our allotment

I kinda think everything I do on the allotment surprises the neighbours! I build little girlie structures around things to protect them while the guys get the big guns out with screws & the like! Have they not heard of 'No more Nails'? I've got one of those squeezey gun things for big seal jobs around the windows in the shed but I have to tidy it up with my finger it has to be smooth but then go out & surprise myself with how much dirt I have attached to myself! I don't mind what they think - at the end of the day it is all about the harvest! I scared the life out of them when I invested in a real structure with the Keder tunnel thingie tough! Some may still be in therapy!

Not so much funny as disconcerting: the field next to our allotment usually held sheep but one year there were young cows and a very frisky bull, obviously protective towards his 'ladies'. He objected to me being on the allotment and kept hitting the dry stone wall between us with his big head, snorting and grunting. When I escaped into the shed, he lost interest, but the moment I re-appeared, he was there again. Eventually, he won, I gave up and went home. Luckily, another lottie holder told the farmer and the bull was moved.

The nice part of walking to and from the allotment is stopping to chat to people you know, the same on the plot itself. It is good to talk.

It is true that the undergardener repeatedly bangs her head in the shed. It isn't funny for her, nor really for me but it does keep happening. It is a pent style of light-weight steel and only 5'6" at the door (an estimate) everyone needs to duck a little to get it.

Sadly no one has tripped over the hose into the manure heap or such slapstick.

Monika ,that reminds me of a day when I was working ,we installed a pair of patio doors in a house in the countryside in Yorkshire in the field at the bottom of the garden was a bull much the same as the one near your plot,the patio doors had just finished being installed the van loaded ready for the journey home when the bull seen it's reflection in the glass (that's what the farmer said) it jumped the fence and charged the glass stood no chance the bull finished up inside the house were it went berserk smashing everything up obviously looking for its adversary. not plot related but totally true