Kitchen Garden Forum

What would you give a fellow member of the forum

One year since I joined and now feel I know some of you well enough to mention you on my 2015 gift list

Ricard with an H, a personal satellite broadcasting/receiving system

Primrose, Gift wrapped trailer load of manure, and Mr Primrose, One years payment for unlimited space at big yellow storage company.

Retropants, a pair that arn’t so retro

Geoff, labels with type of usage sewn on for your anorak collection

OH, Indefinite supply of extra large Duracell batteries so you don't have to wind the church clock up

Catherine, gift voucher for local gents hairdresser

Westi, A personal tutor for using a Mac (If you don’t get the hang of it Geoff will lend you an anorak in inclement weather)

so what would you give to whom

Morning Pa Snip, I'm unable to give you the present i would like to give you most so, i have a couple of others....

Firstly, an award for always being so positive and making us all smile.

Secondly, free tickets to any gardening attraction you wish to visit.

Thirdly, just a little something that hopefully will make you smile....

Your epitaph reads, "Remembered for his manure"

Mine will read, "Remembered for his B--l S--t"

Thanks OH,

Not looking for any awards, but thank you just the same, just hoping to make at least just one person feel better about their own situation. Hopefully a few smiles or maybe even groans about some of my posts will lighten their day

It is many years since I regularly worked at the Chelsea flower show and have not visited it since, despite being an RHS member. So I would use your gift to make a clandestine visit.

OH, your post prompted me to find this this morning.

Listen & smile, sing along if you know the words (even if you are out of tune )


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj9xsSuczes


PS Edit,
I'm off to see my consultant today, I'm thinking of telling her that my user name on here is Pa Snip.
Now I know why I got Canker

Dear Pa Snip, you must think me awfully rude....i never said thank you for the batteries....

Well that was a jolly little song, i did smile, but i didn't sing...my singing has been known to empty a full Church....

I'm sure your consultant will have found your comments very refreshing.


For Catherine, one of those plump, very tasty cockerels, hand delivered by me, of course.

For Primrose, an extension to her garden, with the deepest, crumbly soil, imaginable.

For Shallot Man, a pint glass that is always full of his favourite tipple.

For Robo, an automatic grass mowing tractor for his holiday home.

For Peter, a bottle of dark rum, that he must give to the person on the forum with the most posts.

For Retropants, a book of bad habits, as she doesn't seem to have any.

I'll do some more later, as i have run out of wrapping paper at present.

I have come up with another solution for OH's clock. Why buy batteries when you can have an entire refit. This will be going up in Milton Bryan before Christmas



My granddaughter, who works for the National Audit Office, tells me they have decided to save money on the proposed multi-million pound refurbishment and are planning to fit one of these in Westminster



So you will be up there with the pioneers OH

That put a smile on my face.

That will get a lot more press than all the homeless and flood victims put together,
Thank you for the mower oldherbaceous I will treat it like one of the family and will start giving my dearest
mowing lessons as soon as it arrives

Pa Snip
With a pseudonym like that, when you visited your consultant I hope you didn't accidentally turn left instead of right and find yourself in " Family Planning"
Thank you for the manure. If a certain prime minister decides on a third runway at Heathrow sending more planes right over our rooftop I may be dumping the lot on his doorstep instead of on my veg patch. They would be no stopping Mr Primrose if he ever had free run of a Yellow Self Storage unit so thank you for the kind thought but I will decline it on his behalf !!

I loved the digital church clock . If I had an alarm clock with a face that size I might be capable of getting up early enough to catch OH and Pa Snip exchanging their disgustingly early "Good Mornings" .

I think, as I have not much imagination either (!!), I would bake a huge batch of mince pies and hand them round to you all in person.

If iI had the money I'd just buy a massive farm, and invite everyone to come live on the farm. Lifetime plot included... And maybe even throw in a few pigs, chickens and cows if anyone on here knows a good slaughter house. The one survival skill I hated with army cadets as having to catch and kill aa squirrel... Wasn't even nic3 meat :-/

I was very tempted to propose a new thread suggesting suitable Christmas gifts for some of our politicians and other notables in public life but I suspect this might have me marched rather swiftly off the forum !

But when I see the misery being caused to people in Cumbria and other places by flooding. I would like to suggest that planners who approve the building of homes on flood plains should be obliged to spend part of their holiday allocation helping victims redecorate and repair their flood damaged properties.

Better that the owners and managers of the development company that forced the application through have to return the site to its prebuild state and provide equivalent homes elsewhere for those flooded out.

I don't think building on a flood plane applies to Cumbria as most of the flooding is on older properties , there might be a claim of land clearing especially on the tops of hills as it was talked about when the south was flooded a couple of years ago that removing trees was not helping the fields to retain water but what ever the reason they are in for a hard Christmas, let's hope the the rain forecast for over the weekend falls as snow

What would you give a fellow member of the forum

Sorry Pa Snip...i diverted from the topic. I would have given you a horde of muscular men to shovel that huge pile of composted manure into your raised beds but you rather jumped the starting gun so if you build another batch of them the commandos will be along very shortly. i should warn you though, they have very healthy appetites so your shed sausage and black pudding breakfast bar will be running at full capacity.

And for Richard I am ordering a session with a hypnotherapist for his partner so that she will suddenly find she has developed a passion for all the kale he grows.