Mandatory H & S and PC rules for Christmas

[alan refail]

All employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open
sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that
a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open
sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider
whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture,
particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that
permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before
their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating
in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and
not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection
by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.
While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by
CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all
users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan
must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel
of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her
glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing
appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful
effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last years well-publicised case, everyone is advised that
Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to
the redness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of
Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and
disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this
offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in
various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is
reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines
and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the
individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct
gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is
advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may
evoke allergic reactions.

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The Rocking
Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not
stir;
We will lend a coat of
fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock
you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock
you

Fur is no longer appropriate
wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for
ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps
micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable
alternative.

Please note, only
persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have
enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry
their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three
forms of identification before rocking commences.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a
manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised
and will be arriving shortly.

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I wanted to send some sort of Christmas greeting to my friends and colleagues ...
..., but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Best Regards,
The Wisher

[glallotments]

Happy Christmas everyone.

Please note this is Mrs Reindeer as apparently Rudolf was a girl! Only girl reindeers have antlers in winter (to protect their young). Very equal opportunities?

This one wasn't at the North Pole but in Carlisle shopping precinct!

[Bren]

Glallotment I hope you got your nose bleed sorted out and all is well with you so wishing you a happy healthy Christmas and New Year.
Bren

[glallotments]

Glallotment I hope you got your nose bleed sorted out and all is well with you so wishing you a happy healthy Christmas and New Year.
Bren

Hi Bren - not me with the nosebleed - the other half and nope it's an ongoing problem. I guess a red nose is seasonal!