Kitchen Garden Forum

Posted: **Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:10 pm**

:lol Ace!

Posted: **Mon Apr 13, 2009 7:38 pm**

A man is going on holiday to Spain. It's the first time he's been, and he's a bit worried.

He says to his friend: How will I manage? I don't speak Spanish.'

His friend, who's been to Spain lots of times, answers: 'It's easy. All you have to do is talk very slowly, and very loudly.'

So the man gets to Spain. The first night he goes into a bar and decides to try out what his friend said: 'Hel-lo' he shouts to the man stood next to him at the bar. 'Are - you - on - ho-li-day?'

Incredibly, the man understands him! 'Yes - I - am - on - ho-li-day.' he shouts slowly back.

They strike up a conversation, which carries on in this loud slow way for ages.

Much later in the evening, the first man asks: 'Where - are - you - from ?'

The second man answers: 'I - am - from - Barns-ley.
'
The first man is amazed. 'But - I - am - from - Barns-ley - too!' , he shouts.

He thinks for a moment, then continues: 'But - if - I - am - from - Barns-ley, - and - you - are - from - Barns-ley, - why - are - we - spea-king - Spa-nish?'

(Apologies if you are from Barnsley. That just happened to be in the original joke - don't know why!)

Posted: **Wed Apr 15, 2009 9:24 pm**

Remember when your Mother told you never to take sweets from a stranger...
This is the one she was talking about!!!!

: sweets.jpg (69.22 KiB) Viewed 4709 times

Posted: **Thu Apr 16, 2009 11:38 am**

That is very disturbing on sooooo many levels :shock:

!

Posted: **Thu Apr 16, 2009 3:59 pm**

In memory of the late Clement Freud.

A story he told on "Just a Minute" a few years ago now.

The Duke of Norfolk was visiting Hollywood and Marilyn Monroe took a great liking to the handsome English nobleman.
In order to gain his attention she sent him a bottle of the finest Bourbon, but the Duke sent it straight back.
The next day she sent him a box of the finest Havana cigars. These went straight back, too.
In frustration, on the third day Marilyn sent him a perfumed note inviting him round to her apartment.
Unable to stand it any longer, the Duke sent back a brief note:

"Dear Miss Monroe
Thank you for the whisky and the cigars, but I must decline your amorous advances. I neither drink nor smoke. Norfolk".

Posted: **Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:40 pm**

The man was a star!

I love that dry sense of humour. :lol:

And I hadn't realised until today that he was Lucien Freud's brother.

Posted: **Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:54 pm**

Snooky, did Old Herbaceous finally stop paying for you to not publish the snap of him at the Milton Bryan fete? :twisted:

Posted: **Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:58 pm**

At least Snooky didn't put the risky one of me on.

Posted: **Thu Apr 16, 2009 11:14 pm**

OH, was that in your "Stop me and buy one outfit"?

I'm assuming that you did not win a prize with the costume Snooky has already posted, due to the fact that it was considered by the judges to "Just be a load of balls"? :twisted: