Village characters

[Tigger]

Those satellites get everywhere! Swimming costume, shorts and gardening boots - it's a great look and would be perfect for me if I was 20 years younger, 2 stones lighter and a foot taller.

[lizzie]

Could be worse Tigger

Could be a nylon, dayglow shellsuit, trainers, curly wig and a moustache

"Calm down calm down there la!!!!!"

[The Grock in the Frock]

Well chaps,even though we live in the city we do have very unusual people.Just the other morning 8.20 am i was running to the shops for a loaf,only to come out of the street to the local drug pusher screeming at the family over the road (very nice black family,all work in the local hospital,and devout methodists)screeming at the lady as she had parked in his space,she had just finished her night shift.I couldnt belive his rantings of get back to your own country and many more unmensionable words of abuse.what made me laugh was he's never had a job in his life and has the devils children living with him
My friend from work lives in a flat and has a chap who lives above her who drives her crazy walking about in his high heels at mad hours of a night......his name is John/Jean but apart from the noise,hes a very nice lady,boy
We also had a man who used to never be out the local pub.He had no hair and would cover his head in black boot polish

[Chantal]

Our market inspector in Rugby is a lovely cross dresser called Alan. He wears leggings and stuff when he's working (he told me once that the market stalls and pallets played havoc with his tights) and the rest of the time wears high heeled pixie boots, fish net tights, short skirts or hotpants and makeup. He's an absolutly lovely guy with time for anyone and very helpful; he just has an unusual dress sense, even for a woman. The only problem is, every time I've been standing talking to him in the town there's some tourist taking a photograph. Diversity is what makes the world go round and this doesn't do anyone any harm so I think he's great and livens the place up a bit

[lizzie]

Saw some wonderful characters in the park before when I was walking Chiefie.

Cos the sun's out they all had cans of lager, fags sticking out of their prams and calling for little Serenity to "come ere you stupid kid!!!" And that was just the women. The men had joints too

Such class. I'll have to try to avoid them more often. Who the hell lets these people out of the institutions?

[jopsy]

If they weren't down at the park they were at Sainsburys in Newton Abbot!
There were some right sights three this afternoon
ooh we have john fish the weatherman across the road-well he's not the real one; but he works at the Met office!

[peter]

Where I work there is one old boy, wears broken down trainers, a suit and uses a single NHS crutch. He walks up and down the high street all day, eating any food scraps from the bins.
He also collects any dog-ends off the pavement and remakes them into rollies.

He has been living like that for at least five years.

[oldherbaceous]

lizzie i'm out all day tomorrow, but if you don't mind my butler will show Grock and yourself to the servant quarters.

Thanks to everybody else for the funny and the touching stories.

Kind regards a character in the making Old Herbaceous.

Theres no fool like an old fool.

[lizzie]

Do we need to bring our own feather dusters or do you provide them?

[ken]

Just had to add a story about when my wife and I first moved down to Kent from Northumberland. We used to walk our dog to a tiny, isolated little pub run by a retired farmer. One day he said 'Do you know, I'm the oldest man in Kent with a licence to brew my own cider for sale." "Great," we said, "we'll try a drop of that." "Oh no," he replied, "I've got the licence, but I don't use it. If I did, I'd be drunk all day." He greatly admored our Labrador. "Leave him with me for a few days," he said, "and I'll have him jumping over five-bar gates in no time." We didn't take him up on that as it wasn't exactly what we wanted...

[Mr Potato Head]

Having moved from the village of Hackney in lovely Londonshire, to the absolute middle of nowhere, I can say without fear of contradiction that the 'Great British Character' (TM) is alive and well.

The urban varieties include drunken-wheelchair man, blood-soaked shirt man, the 'glove-lady' and sells-you-God-at-the-bus-stop man...

Rural species include haven't-seen-a-man-under-sixty-for-twenty-years woman, scary-veternarian, pompous-local-bigwig, twisted-parish-councillor, never-left-the-village people and the rural sells-you-God-on-the-dog-walk man...

[Chantal]

You've just reminded me of a man who used to stand outside our parish church in the summer. He wore a belted raincoat, tweed hat and sunglasses and held up a placard on which was written:

"If my skirts get any shorter
Said the flapper with a grin
I'll have two more cheeks to blusher
And another fringe to trim"

He used to stand facing one way for about a minute and then turn the other way etc etc, all day long.

WHY?

[jopsy]

Aren't all parish councillors twisted Mr PH?
Ours are just AWFUL!!!
They mainly don't even live in our village, and they are all over 100

[Deb P]

All I can say is, where I work, Green Wing is mild in comparison......

[lizzie]

I used to go to a nightclub where nurses and doctors played doctors and nurses.

It was rather worrying at the time. And the more medical intervention i've had, the more I worry after the things I witnessed on a dancefloor

Still, I was a civil servant for years. The best one was in Toxteth Jobcentre, where one of the local prostitutes used to give out her business card to the lads in the personal issue queue. Fair play to her though for showing initiative