I'm sure that many of you correspond with an older person, just as I do. And then, if you don't hear from them for a while you start to wonder if they're still alive.
People make Wills for their beneficeries, could that not also have a list of who'd want to know they've gone?
Death list
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peter
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One of the nicest teachers at my school (1970's) announced some weeks ago on the school (closed 1990) Facebook page that he would be "checking out shortly" and last week a fellow teacher announced his passing from cancer.
Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
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oldherbaceous
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My Mum who is her late 80’s, has had a lot of friends suddenly stop replying to her letters and she never hears from them again….my Mum and most of her friends, don’t have mobiles or aren’t on the internet!
Years ago, families seemed to go though the address and telephone book and let people know, but that doesn’t seem to happen much now….
Years ago, families seemed to go though the address and telephone book and let people know, but that doesn’t seem to happen much now….
Kind Regards, Old Herbaceous.
There's no fool like an old fool.
There's no fool like an old fool.
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Westi
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A bit like what we tried on here for those closest to our gardening friends to just pop a short message on here so we know. Lot's of names of folk who actively contributed just suddenly stopped, although good to see OH's call to arms brought back some. I've told my Sr-in-law to do this for me & given her my password, she will; but I'm planning on hanging around for a while yet.
Westi
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Primrose
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I think sometimes it doesn't necessarily mean somebody has passed away but they,re perhaps too elderly or infirm to maintain "normal" means of communication any longer. We,ve found this wit Christmas cards where people have perhaps e come too immobile to get out to buy & post them.
I fear with the cost of postage too this will become a dead practice for a group of people who most need and value that type of contact.
I fear with the cost of postage too this will become a dead practice for a group of people who most need and value that type of contact.
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AdrienneRobinson
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We found a long lost relative (of my ex husband’s) whom we hadn’t heard from for years, (but used to exchange letters with every Christmas) and who we assumed had passed away, in a care home in the area where she lived.
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Primrose
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Perhaps a point to note. Anybody responsible for the care of an elderly person who moves into a care home should try & notify ll their immediate personal contacts, otherwise friends and neighbours have no idea where they,ve moved to and the poor individual ends up being completely cut off from their previous world.
It,s hard for carers who already have a lot to cope with when a relative has to move into care but keeping lines of communication open means a lot for those who have ended up losing their home and a normal way of life.
It,s hard for carers who already have a lot to cope with when a relative has to move into care but keeping lines of communication open means a lot for those who have ended up losing their home and a normal way of life.
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oldherbaceous
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I know this certainly doesn’t apply to most people but, the saying, (out of sight, out of mind) applies to some old people once put into a caring home!
I have been to visit a few old people in care homes over the last few years and had a couple of them burst into tears when I got there, and saying they feel like they have been forgotten….really did play on my mind!
I have been to visit a few old people in care homes over the last few years and had a couple of them burst into tears when I got there, and saying they feel like they have been forgotten….really did play on my mind!
Kind Regards, Old Herbaceous.
There's no fool like an old fool.
There's no fool like an old fool.
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Primrose
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OH, yes I know - it's desperately sad how people get written off.
. I used to visit a retired doctor neighbour who was in a care home for nearly two years and take him library books as his family all lived far away. He so appreciated the link with the outside world and hearing all the local gossip and news. The irony was he wanted to stay in a local care home because that,s where all his village contacts were and he thought he would be able to maintain his friendships. Sadly people just faded away though and didn't bother.
The sad thing was his mind was still as sharp as a button though. I once took him a library book I,d borrowed for him previously. He wasn't slow to tick me off and thereafter I had to keep a little notebook and list all the books as I borrowed them. He once told me to get him "a fruity book" because " it,s the only excitement I'll ever get in this damned place to remind me I.m still alive!"
So a plea to anybody with a neighbour or friend who goes into care, please make a special effort to visit, and if you can't do that, ohone or write a letter,
. I used to visit a retired doctor neighbour who was in a care home for nearly two years and take him library books as his family all lived far away. He so appreciated the link with the outside world and hearing all the local gossip and news. The irony was he wanted to stay in a local care home because that,s where all his village contacts were and he thought he would be able to maintain his friendships. Sadly people just faded away though and didn't bother.
The sad thing was his mind was still as sharp as a button though. I once took him a library book I,d borrowed for him previously. He wasn't slow to tick me off and thereafter I had to keep a little notebook and list all the books as I borrowed them. He once told me to get him "a fruity book" because " it,s the only excitement I'll ever get in this damned place to remind me I.m still alive!"
So a plea to anybody with a neighbour or friend who goes into care, please make a special effort to visit, and if you can't do that, ohone or write a letter,
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oldherbaceous
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Gosh, well said, Primrose….
Kind Regards, Old Herbaceous.
There's no fool like an old fool.
There's no fool like an old fool.
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Primrose
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Given OH,s comments about the loneliness of people in care homes, I decided to ohone an elderly work contact of mine who is in one yesterday afternoon.as he,s too far away to visit.
It was a chaotic experience. He is very deaf and was obviously in a room with a TV set blaring at full volume in the background, which was accompaniment by loud intermittent shouting from a woman who was obviously mentally disturbed.
It was impossible to have any meaningful conversation. Perhaps that is why people are wary of making social care home visits. I have diarised monthly phone calls going forward and will hope for a calmer environment next time I ring.
It was a chaotic experience. He is very deaf and was obviously in a room with a TV set blaring at full volume in the background, which was accompaniment by loud intermittent shouting from a woman who was obviously mentally disturbed.
It was impossible to have any meaningful conversation. Perhaps that is why people are wary of making social care home visits. I have diarised monthly phone calls going forward and will hope for a calmer environment next time I ring.
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Tony Hague
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It can be difficult, depressing and patience taxing to visit people in care homes, I know from personal experience. It can also feel a a bit pointless, once the stage is reached that effective communication isn't possible (they usually aren't in a care home without good reason). So, I have sympathy for those who can't bring themselves. If you do go, be sure it is in their interest rather than because of your own guilt feelings that you do it - some are more more disturbed by visitors than helped.
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Westi
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Some of the really good homes opening encourage visitors to patients with dementia, but they also do short educational sessions prior to visiting regarding how to engage with them. Simple things like not interjecting or correcting them in conversations, not going on about things happening now, but memories of times from the past. Quite often they will invite a member of their staff who has some relationship with the person to also be in attendance.
If the individual has not had a long or intense relationship with you in the past, like you were just neighbours rather than family then it is not going to be successful & can confuse & irritate them as they will be wary of you as you are a stranger. Even family will not be recognised when the condition is in it's final stages due to destruction of the parts of the brain as this hideous disease progresses.
There are a lot of folk in care homes with earlier stages of dementia, mainly due to the lack of home care or just the risk to them or others & due to this some older persons accommodation managers will give notice, leaving social or the individual to pick up the costs. Frailty is another thing that can force someone into care homes, nothing to do with dementia but same lack of carer availability to look after them. Social won't fund until your savings are under £23,250 currently & houses will be sold to add to the income so relatives will not get their inheritance, however that is going up t £100,000 in the future. Probs worth considering changing the deeds of your home, so your family become future owners.
If the individual has not had a long or intense relationship with you in the past, like you were just neighbours rather than family then it is not going to be successful & can confuse & irritate them as they will be wary of you as you are a stranger. Even family will not be recognised when the condition is in it's final stages due to destruction of the parts of the brain as this hideous disease progresses.
There are a lot of folk in care homes with earlier stages of dementia, mainly due to the lack of home care or just the risk to them or others & due to this some older persons accommodation managers will give notice, leaving social or the individual to pick up the costs. Frailty is another thing that can force someone into care homes, nothing to do with dementia but same lack of carer availability to look after them. Social won't fund until your savings are under £23,250 currently & houses will be sold to add to the income so relatives will not get their inheritance, however that is going up t £100,000 in the future. Probs worth considering changing the deeds of your home, so your family become future owners.
Westi
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Myrkk
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I think this is a good idea, especially as people live so far away nowadays. Round robin calls seem to be a thing of the past.
We found out a couple of months after Christmas that a close friend of my husbands parents and of him had passed 6mths prior to Christmas. We’d been planning a trip to see them this year but no-one mentioned they had become ill. Sad thing is their daughter knew how close my husband was to her but hadn’t thought to call.
We found out a couple of months after Christmas that a close friend of my husbands parents and of him had passed 6mths prior to Christmas. We’d been planning a trip to see them this year but no-one mentioned they had become ill. Sad thing is their daughter knew how close my husband was to her but hadn’t thought to call.
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Stravaig
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After I left the army in 19oatcake (mid 70s probably), it wasn't easy to find a job. But I found employment as a 'care assistant' in an eventide home. No idea why. I had no qualifications or experience for that job. It certainly didn't suit my personality. I didn't like most of the people and hated some of them. Some of them were kind, though, so it's not all bad news. 
One wifie liked to knit but couldn't follow the instructions on the thing (I don't know what you call that - it's not a recipe) so I would sit with her saying stuff like knit one, purl two (yawn) so she could get on with her knitting. Then her daughter came in and she seemed like a very pleasant person.
Her mum must have spoken about me because then the daughter used to bring me gifts every time she visited. It was pretty obvious I was on the poverty line. The daughter brought me clothes, (her old ones that would probably have gone to the charity shop otherwise) and household stuff, whatever, and I very gratefully received it.
I was in a horribly abusive relationship at the time and frequently showed up to work with a couple of black eyes (broken nose - again!). It was that bad that the care home boss offered me a room in the place. Of course I could not accept. Oh, this is a long story and you probably don't want to hear it.
One wifie liked to knit but couldn't follow the instructions on the thing (I don't know what you call that - it's not a recipe) so I would sit with her saying stuff like knit one, purl two (yawn) so she could get on with her knitting. Then her daughter came in and she seemed like a very pleasant person.
Her mum must have spoken about me because then the daughter used to bring me gifts every time she visited. It was pretty obvious I was on the poverty line. The daughter brought me clothes, (her old ones that would probably have gone to the charity shop otherwise) and household stuff, whatever, and I very gratefully received it.
I was in a horribly abusive relationship at the time and frequently showed up to work with a couple of black eyes (broken nose - again!). It was that bad that the care home boss offered me a room in the place. Of course I could not accept. Oh, this is a long story and you probably don't want to hear it.