WE NEED LOTS OF SUPPORT

[Chantal]

That is good news, so long as she will take her pills. As I recall I have some advice on that:


INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb at either side of mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. Cat
opens its mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa, cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with forefinger. Hold shut to count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down
ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just
visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open
with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw
T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tall tree across the road.
Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to
leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from garden shed.
Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed
by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of
water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly whilst doctor
stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for vet to make house call.

[lizzie]

I didn't know you've met Sweetie!!!

She's a sod to give pills to. On her vet record it has the following "We advise that gauntlets are used when examining this cat. Psycho!!!"

However, I came up with a cunning plan. Sweetie likes tuna, sardines, mackrel. So, I crush pills very finely and mix with small amount of fish. When she's eaten that, she has some that's pill free.

Good eh!!

[Tigger]

Well done the Fag Free free (Three, with a lisp, if you see what I mean). Sorry - it's the best I can can up with. Will try harder tomorrow.

What's the total amount saved now girls?

Mrs P - I'm sure you already know this but don't 'park' your Nicorette gum against your cheek for any length of time. Once you've finished chewing it, get rid. If you store it in your mouth, you may get ulcers from it and they'll just make you miserable.

Hope tomorrow is easier folks.

[pigletwillie]

Thanks for the laugh Chantal about the cats. It all sounds so familiar, having recently taken Betty AND Stan to the vets about 2 months ago. After going through all the above scenarios, earning lots of scratches in the process, I too finally resorted to putting the pills in some tuna. Stan was easy to fool and Betty was a little smarter, but not THAT smart. If only she had realised that if she HAD taken the pills she might not have ended up as deaf as a bat!

Tigger - thanks for that bit of info too. I hadn't realised that about the Nicorette, and since I am prone to ulcers, I shall be very careful and eject after a couple of minutes.

I now have £15 in the pot I can't believe I have actually got through THREE whole days without one. Well done too Grock and Lizzie.

Love, Miss Porcas
P.S. I'm glad it's bedtime now - 7 and a half hours without a craving! Ah, Bliss.

[Chantal]

There's someone I know who still smokes and say it's not harming her, but get a load of THIS for addiction.

She smokes 60+ cigarettes a day and when she flew to the USA had to use an entire packet of patches slapped on her body and then take sleeping pills to get throught the flight. She wakes up every hour in the night and has to have a fag, unfortunately she often falls asleep and has set fire to three duvets that I know about. She says the hard bit is putting the fires out without waking her husband! She also has burns all over her chest where the fags have dropped on her instead of the duvet. Her OH smokes too and really doesn't seem to mind that he may be cremated alive, it beggars belief! She's about 45, looks about 55 'cos of the smoking and when met her 10 years ago was stunning looking. Now has premature wrinkles and can't wear low cut clothes because it looks like she's been tortured. How sad is that?

[pigletwillie]

Hi Chantal

Now that is addiction at its worst isn't it? Yuk! It is stories like that which make me glad I have stopped smoking. My "best friend" at school introduced me to my first "docker" at the age of 13. I have been smoking ever since, except for the 3 or 4 times I have halfheartedly given up. I hadn't smoked in my own house or anybody else's for the last 9 years and I never smoked more than a pack in a day. I just don't know how anybody fits more than 30 in a day. Oh yuk, the thought of it. I expect this means I am doing okay doesn't it? Your poor friend - I can only feel sorry for her. So young too.

Well, here goes another day!!

Have a nice day y'all.

Miss Porcas

[Chantal]

Hi Miss P

Yeah, to fit them in she smokes one lit from the other and as I say, all night too! She doesn't want to quit, says all her family have smoked all their lives and lived to be old with no illness so she'll be fine. It make my mind boggle.

Anyway, keep up the good work, we're all very proud of our triptych of non-smokers

[lizzie]

Hi All

Tigger, the total i've so so far is £10. By Sunday night I should have £14.70 in my tub. I won't be saving as much as the other 2 cos I only bought 10 a day. That way I didn't smoke any more than I had.

Cravings are quite strong this morning. Still, it'ss pass. But


I WANT A CIGGIE>>>>>>>> NOW

[peter]

Chantal, thanks for that about the cat.

Half office now thinks I'm ill I laughed so much.


Fortunately my dog is easier to fool. So long as you have another bit of food in your hand the bit with the pill in goes straight down to ensure she is ready for that second treat.

[Chantal]

I know dogs are easier to fool than cats as proved in the following diary entries:

EXCERPT FROM A CAT’S DIARY

Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.

Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...



EXCERPT FROM A DOG’S DIARY

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

[The Grock in the Frock]

GETTING HARDER AS THE TIME GOES ON.im off to camp tomorrow with the scouts,and all this sorting things out is stressing me,now i will normally smoke like a trouper,but i havnt really worried about the night a camp as most leaders have a couple of drinks and most smoke,im at my worst if i drink, i like to smoke loads and loads i will really try,and iv'e promised myself ,i'm NOT gonna lie if i have one,look im setting meself up for failing already
WILL NOT SMOKE AT CAMP
WILL NOT SMOKE AT CAMP
WILL NOT SMOKE AT CAMP
WILL NOT SMOKE AT CAMP
ANYWAY IM TAKING THE TARTS NEPHEW SO IM SURE HE WILL BLOW ME UP TO THE WORLD

[lizzie]

He's got strict instructions to snitch Grock.

Either that or rob the ciggie packet when your not looking.

After all, you've got to keep your eyes on all those kids, haven't you

Must admit I was very tempted before when I was in town. Even got to the shop counter then turned away. Went to Lush and bought something there instead.

It was much harder today, I really had to stop myself. I'm not used to being good. It's not in my nature

[The Grock in the Frock]

did you smoke a bar of soap then?

[lizzie]

No, I didn't do a Joe either

Bought a shampoo from there. Smells gorgeous.

I'd still prefer a fag though. Think i'm going to get upset and stroppy in a minute.

[The Grock in the Frock]

go for it kidder