Kitchen Garden Forum

A group of us were chatting in a Tottenham pub, one of whom was Jimmy Greaves. Noting the copious quantities of wine Jimmy was consuming, one of the group said "I don't know where you put all that wine, Jimmy". He replied "Well, the left leg's for red wine, and the right leg's for white". "And what's the middle leg for?" said the joker. Greavsie didn't bat an eyelid, "The middle leg's for Rosie, and Rosie loves it".

Nothing to add at the moment but this thread is so long now that the next miserable rainy day I will sit down and read it though from the beginning to lift my mood !

A blonde female bought herself a new Mercedes. She could drive the car during the day, but at night the car wouldn't move at all. She tried driving the car at night for a week with no luck.
Furious, she called the dealership, told them the problem and they sent a
mechanic to the house. The mechanic gave the car a thorough inspection
and could not find anything wrong.
Eventually, he asked the blonde, " Are you sure you're using the right gears?"
"Of course I am. I'm not stupid. I use "D" during the day and "N" at night!

The recent report of a rise in the UK's number of centenarians reminded me of an item in the BBC Tonight programme about 40 years ago (remember Cliff Michelmore?): their reporter Fyfe Robertson interviewed two gentlemen in Cornwall who had just had their 100th birthday and asked them for the secret of their longevity. One said (and I paraphrase because it was a long time ago), "I have never smoked or touched alcohol and never had anything to do with women. That's the secret". The other one said, "I have been married three times, smoked my baccy all my adult life and have a pint or two every day. That's the secret". Now take your pick .......

Please keep them coming.

I didn't want to learn the Greek alphabet this way.

I feel sorry for young parents these days.

Not only do they need to teach their children about the Birds and the Bees...
They now also have to teach them about............ the Birds and the Birds...
the Bees and the Bees...
the Bees that look like Birds...
the Birds that look like Bees...
and the Bees that look like Birds but still have a stinger.

I visit the pubs and shops. Things being as they are, I think I am starting to suffer from tinselitis.

From Twitter.

[url]My favourite thing about Christmas morning is the look of joy on my husband's face when he sees what we bought the kids for the first time.[/url]

(yes, posted as a joke)

"So then Frost and Johnson asked us to put champagne in pint bottles!"