Kitchen Garden Forum

alan refail wrote:

Have a friend who was given not one but two DNA tests for his Birthday. [ two differant companys] Came back two differant results, he picked the best of the two for boasting about his lineage that raises the question. Are they a con.

They are a bit cheap so deffo got to be suspicious!

I wouldn't use one.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you £500 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her £500 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the £500 he owes me?”

I've just been to France and spent a day in Paris. Here is one of the Wallace Fountains.

Well if you can't laugh about it.....

There must be a lot of these being built round here. Not a packet of loo roll in sight in supermarket this morning!
I think we British deserve an award for our ability to produce black humour in difficult times.

Now we procrastinate about which roll!

The panic-buying of toilet rolls is a problem. I was in Tesco earlier and there wasn't any to be found on the shelves, searched all the ends of aisles up and down the store too. I asked at the information desk as well after a bit of a wait to ask if they'd got any out the back. No chance but she was a bit short with me.



It was pretty embarrassing walking back to the gents with my trousers around my ankles.

Morning Tigerburnie, my Mum had the same problem yesterday at Tesco's, wanted toilet rolls and paracetemol for her pain, they had neither...and since we only have one bus a week a real nuisance for her...we will see what we can get for her tomorrow, when we go shopping.

This wont solve the shortage problem but may help to make each roll last a little longer.

Squash each roll into an oval shape before putting it on the roller.
Then fix it oNto the roller with the loose end hanging at the back (against the wall) rather than at the front.

This makes it doubly difficult to pull off a dozen sheets at a time.

For liquids only: pull off one sheet, fold in half, then in half again and use as a dabbing pad. Wash your hands afterwards obviously!

It does work but I can confirm it's irritating! . However we may have to put up with ever greater irritants than this before this epidemic is over so perhaps time to develop a few new habits !

In a real emergency using those packets of pocket size nose blowing tissues might substitute but not newspaper, kitchen roll or wet wipes as they don,t dissolve and will quickly block sewers.

Somebody has just sent me a video clip of a man in a pub about to buy a pint of beer. He pulls a loo roll out of his pocket and carefully pulls off three separate sheets of loo paper to pay for it!

TOM HANKS, Survived 4 years in an island alone, Got AIDS in Philadelphia. Landed a airplane in the Hudson River. In Vietnam he rescued LT Dan. He was kidnapped by Somalies. He survived Apollo 13 Trying to make it to the moon. If this guy dies on us from the Corona Virus we are all pretty much screwed!

If nothing else I think this crisis will help restore our national British black sense of humour ! After 3 months of self isolation ai think some of us will badly need it !