Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

A place to chat about anything you like, including non-gardening related subjects. Just keep it clean, please!

Moderators: Chantal, Tigger, KG Steve, peter, Chief Spud

User avatar
alan refail
KG Regular
Posts: 7095
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:00 am
Location: Chwilog Gogledd Orllewin Cymru Northwest Wales
x 388

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby alan refail » Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:52 am

Image
2 x
Cred air o bob deg a glywi, a thi a gei rywfaint bach o wir (hen ddihareb Gymraeg)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
User avatar
Diane
KG Regular
Posts: 1592
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2005 3:08 pm
Location: Wimborne, Dorset.
x 365

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Diane » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:19 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
0 x
'Preserve wildlife - pickle a rat'
User avatar
snooky
KG Regular
Posts: 738
Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:03 pm
Location: Farnborough
x 177

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Tue Feb 12, 2019 8:34 pm

Hang onto your hat.jpg
Hang onto your hat.jpg (103.08 KiB) Viewed 1749 times
2 x
Regards snooky

---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
User avatar
Primrose
KG Regular
Posts: 6458
Joined: Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:50 pm
Location: Bucks.
x 1013

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Primrose » Sun Feb 24, 2019 4:04 pm

We get this every day. I think it's the first few words the parents teach their babies !!!
Attachments
83C306E8-D0DC-4C2D-9C0C-B84697BF4E5D.jpeg
83C306E8-D0DC-4C2D-9C0C-B84697BF4E5D.jpeg (51.15 KiB) Viewed 1700 times
4 x
Stephen
KG Regular
Posts: 1009
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:03 pm
Location: Butts Meadow, Berkhamsted
x 309

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Stephen » Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:56 pm

Love Poem by Henry Normal (who used to write scripts for Caroline Ahern)

I loved Natasha, in my fashion,
She could have loved me, truely
If only, after a night of passion
I hadn't called her Julie.
5 x
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
User avatar
snooky
KG Regular
Posts: 738
Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:03 pm
Location: Farnborough
x 177

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Sat Mar 02, 2019 8:12 pm

How to p--- off a BMW driver(there are other cars)!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4L1F5xpdv0
4 x
Regards snooky

---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
User avatar
Shallot Man
KG Regular
Posts: 2105
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2006 9:51 am
Location: Basildon. Essex
x 195

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Shallot Man » Sun Mar 03, 2019 8:37 am

snooky wrote:How to p--- off a BMW driver(there are other cars)!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4L1F5xpdv0


Brilliant. :D :D
0 x
User avatar
peter
KG Regular
Posts: 5481
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2005 1:54 pm
Location: Near Stansted airport
x 365
Contact:

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby peter » Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:12 am

FB_IMG_1551603232993.jpg
FB_IMG_1551603232993.jpg (35.79 KiB) Viewed 1620 times
4 x
Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.

I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/
Stephen
KG Regular
Posts: 1009
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:03 pm
Location: Butts Meadow, Berkhamsted
x 309

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Stephen » Tue Mar 12, 2019 12:18 pm

A bit more poetry for everyone

Celia, Celia by Adrian Mitchell

When I am sad and weary
When I think all hope has gone
When I walk along High Holborn
I think of you with nothing on.
1 x
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
User avatar
snooky
KG Regular
Posts: 738
Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:03 pm
Location: Farnborough
x 177

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Tue Mar 12, 2019 7:14 pm

Life explained



On the first day, God created the dog. God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said, “That’s too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten.”
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey. God said, “Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.” The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don’t think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that’s what I’ll do too, okay?”
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow. “You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I’ll give back the other forty.”
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man. God said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I’ll give you twenty years.”
Man said, “What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I’ll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?”
Okay,” said God, “You’ve got a deal.”
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
8 x
Regards snooky

---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
User avatar
Diane
KG Regular
Posts: 1592
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2005 3:08 pm
Location: Wimborne, Dorset.
x 365

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Diane » Wed Mar 13, 2019 4:06 pm

:lol: Brilliant
0 x
'Preserve wildlife - pickle a rat'
User avatar
Diane
KG Regular
Posts: 1592
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2005 3:08 pm
Location: Wimborne, Dorset.
x 365

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Diane » Sat Mar 16, 2019 11:28 am

What it's like to be British

• Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”

• Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
• Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best

• Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door

• Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit

• Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand

• Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
• The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector

• The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”

• “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it

• Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands

• Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck

• Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change

• Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again

• Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested

• Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”

• Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon

• Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it

• Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave

• Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible

• The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about

• Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake

• Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot

• Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink

• “You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit

• Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it

• “I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”

• Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever

• Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever

• Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’

• Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether

• Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing

• Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again

• The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up

• Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
4 x
'Preserve wildlife - pickle a rat'
Stephen
KG Regular
Posts: 1009
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:03 pm
Location: Butts Meadow, Berkhamsted
x 309

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Stephen » Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:08 pm

It amused me!
Attachments
IMG_20190303_134049.jpg
IMG_20190303_134049.jpg (2.13 MiB) Viewed 1413 times
3 x
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
User avatar
alan refail
KG Regular
Posts: 7095
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:00 am
Location: Chwilog Gogledd Orllewin Cymru Northwest Wales
x 388

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby alan refail » Mon Apr 01, 2019 4:53 pm

Image
4 x
Cred air o bob deg a glywi, a thi a gei rywfaint bach o wir (hen ddihareb Gymraeg)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
Stephen
KG Regular
Posts: 1009
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:03 pm
Location: Butts Meadow, Berkhamsted
x 309

Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Stephen » Mon Apr 01, 2019 5:51 pm

:lol:
0 x
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Return to “General chatter”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 21 guests