Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

A place to chat about anything you like, including non-gardening related subjects. Just keep it clean, please!

Moderators: KG Steve, Chantal, Tigger, peter, Chief Spud

User avatar
Compo
KG Regular
Posts: 1420
Joined: Thu Mar 16, 2006 8:58 pm
Location: Somerset
Been thanked: 6 times

So they have commissioned some new allotments in the next village to me. The landowner had the field ploughed and then sewed grass to make paths and created 36 lovely new plots for private rent.

My mate was on the phone to me telling me all about how good it was but was puzzled by a particular thing that was happening, every time he visited the plot someone had sprinkled good quality loam about an inch at a time annoyingly on top of the plants and seeds he had newly put in.

The third time this happened he was well peed off as he now had 3 inches of fresh top soil on top of his seedlings

But you'll never believe what happened next

Well.....................

The plot thickens!!!
If I am not on the plot, I am not happy.........
User avatar
Primrose
KG Regular
Posts: 8054
Joined: Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:50 pm
Location: Bucks.
Has thanked: 37 times
Been thanked: 281 times

Oh don't tell me it was a new burial plot !!
User avatar
alan refail
KG Regular
Posts: 7252
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:00 am
Location: Chwilog Gogledd Orllewin Cymru Northwest Wales
Been thanked: 5 times

20.jpg
20.jpg (62.08 KiB) Viewed 4003 times
Cred air o bob deg a glywi, a thi a gei rywfaint bach o wir (hen ddihareb Gymraeg)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
User avatar
snooky
KG Regular
Posts: 999
Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:03 pm
Location: Farnborough
Has thanked: 10 times
Been thanked: 34 times

Regards snooky

---------------------------------
A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
User avatar
alan refail
KG Regular
Posts: 7252
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:00 am
Location: Chwilog Gogledd Orllewin Cymru Northwest Wales
Been thanked: 5 times

bs.jpg
bs.jpg (23.22 KiB) Viewed 3963 times
Cred air o bob deg a glywi, a thi a gei rywfaint bach o wir (hen ddihareb Gymraeg)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
User avatar
alan refail
KG Regular
Posts: 7252
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:00 am
Location: Chwilog Gogledd Orllewin Cymru Northwest Wales
Been thanked: 5 times

ba.png
ba.png (183.96 KiB) Viewed 3961 times
Cred air o bob deg a glywi, a thi a gei rywfaint bach o wir (hen ddihareb Gymraeg)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
Stephen
KG Regular
Posts: 1869
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:03 pm
Location: Butts Meadow, Berkhamsted
Been thanked: 2 times

Screenshot_20200520-130234.jpg
Screenshot_20200520-130234.jpg (411.34 KiB) Viewed 3933 times
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
User avatar
Compo
KG Regular
Posts: 1420
Joined: Thu Mar 16, 2006 8:58 pm
Location: Somerset
Been thanked: 6 times

20200521_164137.jpg
20200521_164137.jpg (4.42 MiB) Viewed 3861 times

What kind of animal leaves droppings like this?
If I am not on the plot, I am not happy.........
User avatar
Geoff
KG Regular
Posts: 5575
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2005 5:33 pm
Location: Forest of Bowland
Been thanked: 129 times

Yodel!
User avatar
Primrose
KG Regular
Posts: 8054
Joined: Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:50 pm
Location: Bucks.
Has thanked: 37 times
Been thanked: 281 times

Don't know but bet it was a painful experience!
User avatar
Compo
KG Regular
Posts: 1420
Joined: Thu Mar 16, 2006 8:58 pm
Location: Somerset
Been thanked: 6 times

Depends on the size of the critter I guess?
If I am not on the plot, I am not happy.........
Monika
KG Regular
Posts: 4546
Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2006 8:13 pm
Location: Yorkshire Dales

Two from the 'Dalesman' magazine:

A man knocked on the door of an old Dales cottage.
"Is Joe in?"
"Oh, no," said the lady, "Joe died three months ago."
"Oh, I am sorry. what happened?"
"Well, he just went down the garden to cut a cabbage for dinner and he dropped dead."
"Oh, how awful,", said the man, "What did you do?"
"I just opened a tin of peas."

********
A walker (obviously not a local) comes across an old farmer and asks,
"How do you get to Grassington from here?"
"Ar," says the farmer, "me brother teks me."
Stephen
KG Regular
Posts: 1869
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:03 pm
Location: Butts Meadow, Berkhamsted
Been thanked: 2 times

:lol: x2
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Stephen
KG Regular
Posts: 1869
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:03 pm
Location: Butts Meadow, Berkhamsted
Been thanked: 2 times

A 'Dominic Cummings ' is now a golfing term. It means a really long drive that goes out of bounds but there's no penalty.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
User avatar
alan refail
KG Regular
Posts: 7252
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:00 am
Location: Chwilog Gogledd Orllewin Cymru Northwest Wales
Been thanked: 5 times

Boris Johnson walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ms could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?"
Johnson: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, the Prime Minister.
Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Johnson: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Johnson, "Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque."
Cashier: "Look sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque."
"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?"
Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes , Mr Johnson. ?....
Cred air o bob deg a glywi, a thi a gei rywfaint bach o wir (hen ddihareb Gymraeg)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic