Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

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snooky
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What to do when you are retired.


1. Kill a few flies
2. Put them in the sun to dry for an hour or so.
3. Once they’re dry, pick up a pencil and paper & let your imagination flow.

Here are a few examples...
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snooky
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snooky
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Regards snooky

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Mike Vogel
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Does anyone remember the 1968 Cambridge University Rag Mag definition of a baby?

An alimentary canal with a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
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Never throw anything away.
Elaine
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Snooky , these are brilliant! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Love 'em!
One question......how do you kill the flies???? I haven't found an aerosol fly killer which works since they took everything off the market :( .
You obviously haven't swatted 'em.........
Cheers!
Happy with my lot
Mike Vogel
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A husband and wife are shopping at their local Wal-Mart. Hubby picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' orders the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.

Her husband retorts: 'So do 24 cans of Budweiser, and they're half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'
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snooky
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Evening Elaine,
I can't claim credit for the fly pictures.They were e-mailed to me by a mate,who in turn was e-mailed them by his son in America.I just thought that it was so good that I had to share and put it on this Forum.
Regards snooky

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snooky
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classic farmer joke
A ventriloquist was driving through the midwest when his car broke down. He walked a ways and found a farmer who would let him use his phone. Well, the farmer seemed to be a real stereotypical rural type, so the ventriloquist thought it would be possible to have some fun with him. The farmer began to lead him back to the house.

Along the way, they passed a horse. The ventriloquist said to the farmer, "Is this your horse?" The farmer replied, "Yep." The ventriloquist asked, "Can he talk?" The farmer said, "Nope." The ventriloquist then said to the horse, "So, how do you like it here?" He then threw his voice, and said in a horse-like voice, "Oh, it's pretty good. Every morning the farmer feeds me oats." Upon hearing this the farmer was startled and quickened his pace.

Soon they came to a cow. The ventriloquist asked, "Is this your cow?" and the farmer replied, "Yep." He then asked, "Does it talk?" and the farmer replied, "I..I don't think so." The ventriloquist asked the cow, "How do you like it here?" and threw his voice again. In a cow-like voice, he said, "Oh, I like it just fine. Every morning the farmer comes and milks me." Upon hearing this, the farmer squirmed. He looked down at the ground and continued walking.

Soon they came to some sheep. The ventriloquist asked, "Are these your sheep?" and the farmer replied, "Yep." He then asked, "Do they talk?" and the farmer exclaimed, "Yes, but they lie!"
Regards snooky

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Chantal
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I saw those flies on a news article somewhere recently and the guy who does them says he waits for flies to die of natural causes and collects them from his window ledges!

Apparently he arranges them all, takes photos and then recycles the corpses to make the next picture :lol: :lol:
Chantal

I know this corner of the earth, it smiles for me...
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snooky
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An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..
' Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'


The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.
Regards snooky

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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
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Elaine
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Brilliant!
And you're right about the fly art Snooky! I'm almost tempted to have a go myself....if the weather ever warms up enough for the flies to emerge that is!
Thanks Chantal, for satisfying my curiosity as to how the flies were obtained!
Cheers.
Happy with my lot
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alan refail
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"God, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"Man? What is that?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will
like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is aroused, but
since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch?"

"Well.....you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring.....so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little
secret...... You know, woman to woman"
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lizzie
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Why did the good Lord give women thrush?

So they could learn to live with an annoying **** before they marry one :lol:

I'll get me coat :twisted:
Lots of love

Lizzie
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snooky
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The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park
bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a
pink penis.

They asked the curator of the gallery for an interpretation.

He explained how it represented the sexual emasculation of
African-Canadians in predominately white, patriarchal society.

"In fact," he said,"some serious critics believe that the pink
penis also reflects the cultural oppression experienced by gay men in
contemporary society.

After the curator left, a man with a noticeable maritime accent
approached the couple and said, "Would yous' like to know what the
painting is really all about?"

How & why" asked the couple, "could you claim to be more of an expert
than the curator of this gallery?"

"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "

In fact, there's no African-Americans shown here at all.

They're just three Cape Breton coal-miners.

The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
Regards snooky

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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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The Mouse
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

But I don't think I'd better forward that one on to my parents! :oops:
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain
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