Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Sun Sep 19, 2021 7:26 pm

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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby JohnN » Mon Sep 20, 2021 4:33 pm

A group of us were chatting in a Tottenham pub, one of whom was Jimmy Greaves. Noting the copious quantities of wine Jimmy was consuming, one of the group said "I don't know where you put all that wine, Jimmy". He replied "Well, the left leg's for red wine, and the right leg's for white". "And what's the middle leg for?" said the joker. Greavsie didn't bat an eyelid, "The middle leg's for Rosie, and Rosie loves it".
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Primrose » Mon Sep 20, 2021 5:32 pm

Nothing to add at the moment but this thread is so long now that the next miserable rainy day I will sit down and read it though from the beginning to lift my mood !
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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Fri Sep 24, 2021 6:56 pm

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Regards snooky

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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
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Westi
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Westi » Fri Sep 24, 2021 10:02 pm

A blonde female bought herself a new Mercedes. She could drive the car during the day, but at night the car wouldn't move at all. She tried driving the car at night for a week with no luck.
Furious, she called the dealership, told them the problem and they sent a
mechanic to the house. The mechanic gave the car a thorough inspection
and could not find anything wrong.
Eventually, he asked the blonde, " Are you sure you're using the right gears?"
"Of course I am. I'm not stupid. I use "D" during the day and "N" at night!
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Monika » Tue Sep 28, 2021 10:12 am

The recent report of a rise in the UK's number of centenarians reminded me of an item in the BBC Tonight programme about 40 years ago (remember Cliff Michelmore?): their reporter Fyfe Robertson interviewed two gentlemen in Cornwall who had just had their 100th birthday and asked them for the secret of their longevity. One said (and I paraphrase because it was a long time ago), "I have never smoked or touched alcohol and never had anything to do with women. That's the secret". The other one said, "I have been married three times, smoked my baccy all my adult life and have a pint or two every day. That's the secret". Now take your pick .......
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby peter » Tue Sep 28, 2021 1:00 pm

The National Association of Sperm Banks has announced there is a national shortage of sperm.


Apparently it's because all the w*****s are busy queueing for petrol.
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Stephen » Tue Sep 28, 2021 6:37 pm

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Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
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Shallot Man
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Shallot Man » Wed Sep 29, 2021 8:23 am

Please keep them coming.
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Stephen » Thu Oct 21, 2021 3:08 pm

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Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Diarmuid » Wed Dec 01, 2021 1:06 pm

I didn't want to learn the Greek alphabet this way.
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