After all the wonderful shots from Snooky, I thought I'd try my own hand at this.
As you can see, the artwork is yet to follow and I was a bit short of bluebottles. However we do have a glut of Ladybirds at the moment and some didn't make it through the cold snap.
This one is probably needs a caption like "Come on guys, if we don't get Reg back onto his legs, he's a gonner".
6911 - Ladybird gang-3.jpg (74.51 KiB) Viewed 3930 times
Colin_M wrote:I was a bit short of bluebottles. However we do have a glut of Ladybirds...
Another thing I need advice from Snooky on is how she finds such good looking fly corpses? Mine seem to be covered in dust & cobwebs. Or maybe that reflects the cleaning regime at our house
Made me think of all those magazine articles on cooking that you see, where there's not only a credit for the cook and the photographer, but also the "food stylist". Perhaps I need an insect corpse stylist.....
Alan Refail’s nice story reminded me of Adam & Eve on their first week on earth. After a while nothing had happened between them, so Adam said to God “Well, what are we supposed to do?” God said “Take her into the hut I’ve provided and give her a cuddle, it will all follow from that”. A little later Adam came back to God and said “No, don’t know what was supposed to happen, but it didn’t!” “OK” said God, “lay her on that little bed and lay on top of her, that’ll do it” After a few minutes Adam came out of the hut and said “God, what’s a headache?”
The Government has refused proper health care to many elderly citizens due to their advancing years. It is a worrying problem for many but help is at hand.
Join the new free care plan today. If you are 60 years or older, you can apply. All new members will receive a gun and four bullets.
You are allowed to shoot one MP (two if you live in England), one MSP (if you live in Scotland), one councillor and just to be sure of a long sentence, someone you really don't like and think the world could do without.
As part of the plan, you will leave enough evidence to make sure you are caught and in due course will be sent to prison.
There you will get a safe central heated environment, three meals a day, lots of company, free TV and an assortment of games plus - most importantly - all the health care you need!
New teeth needed? No problem.
New glasses? They'll be provided free of charge.
New hip, knees, kidney, lung, heart? They're all covered too.
But, I can hear you ask, who will pay for all of this? Well, the same government that told you they cannot afford your current health care.
And as an added bonus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax anymore. There is even the chance you may be even to claim for infringements of your Human Rights, leaving money for your loved ones!
Regards snooky
--------------------------------- A balanced diet is a beer in both hands! WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
Elle, It might be of interest that your little conundrum was originally issued by the Ford Motor Co. as a marketing gimmick in the 1950s. (With 'Fords' replacing 'Files', of course). The simple answer to why nearly everyone gets it wrong is that the brain reads the 'f" as a 'v' ; just say it - 'ov'! Luv, John N
That is interesting JohnN - it is easy to assume all these things are new! I stole this from another forum this afternoon after we tested everybody in the house. Myself, husband, and nearly 9 year old missed all 3 'of's' (that is where they are Alan), by 11 year old carefully counted them all up - happy to have at least one genius in the house
>> WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER ! >> >> "And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!! >> >> CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE >> 1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and early 70's ! >> First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank >> while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos... >> They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon >> and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for >> diabetes or cervical cancer. >> Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright >> coloured lead-based paints. >> >> We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and >> when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, >> the risks we took hitchhiking. >> As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. >> We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. >> Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, >> McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos... >> Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a >> Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death! >> We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO >> ONE actually died from this. >> We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner >> store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers.
>> We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks >> with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because........ >> WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!! >> We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we >> were back when the streetlights came on. >> No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O..K. >> We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then >> ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built >> tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars. >> We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games >> at all, no 999 channels on SKY , >> no video/dvd films, >> no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat >> rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! >> >> We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no >> Lawsuits from these accidents. >> >> Only girls had pierced ears! >> >> We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live >> in us forever. >> >> You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time... >> >> We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays, >> >> We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door >> or rang the bell, or just yelled for them! >> Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we >> didn’t need to keep up with the Jones’s! >> >> Not everyone made the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who >> didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! >> Getting into the team was based on >> MERIT >> >> Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and throw the >> blackboard rubber at us if they thought we weren’t concentrating . >> >> We can string sentences together and spell and have proper >> conversations because of a good, solid three R’s education. >> >> Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road. >> >> The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard >> of. >> They actually sided with the law! >> >> Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' >> and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla' and 'Tiger' >> >> We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned >> HOW TO >> DEAL WITH IT ALL ! >> >> >> And YOU are one of them! >> CONGRATULATIONS! >> You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to >> grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our >> lives for our own good. >> And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know >> how brave their parents were. >> PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age >> anymore
One dark night outside a small town near Everett , Washington , a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.
As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight... It was the nearby Norwegian rural township, volunteer fire company from Stanwood, Washington composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.
It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve’s gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!"
Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.
"Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?"
She hung up without answering.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain
At a nursing home in Victoria, a group of Senior Citizens was sitting around talking about their ailments:
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even SEE my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we all can still drive!"
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain
