Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Wed Sep 16, 2020 10:32 pm

Two old ladies have been chatting sat on a park bench for a few hours. One of the Ladies stands up and says " my bum has gone to sleep".
" Yes I know" replied the other. " I heard it snoring a few times"
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Primrose » Fri Oct 16, 2020 2:19 pm

An elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Stephen » Mon Oct 19, 2020 8:03 pm

:lol:
I've probably heard it before but it is very funny.
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Primrose » Tue Oct 20, 2020 10:14 am

I'm finding digging the vegetable plot a bit beyond me. I was wondering whether I should lock my husband away for a few days to see if similar help arrives round here but knowing the infrequency with which we see any patrolling police, the weeds would end up being pretty tall!
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby esdtips55 » Fri Oct 30, 2020 2:15 pm

Everything elementary simple is often more funny :D
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Primrose » Sat Oct 31, 2020 11:27 am

Looking out of the wi dow with the rain streaming down and reading the national news there isn,t much to cheer us.
Please scratch your heads everybody and come up with something to cheer us up.
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby alan refail » Sat Oct 31, 2020 5:04 pm

Image
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Cred air o bob deg a glywi, a thi a gei rywfaint bach o wir (hen ddihareb Gymraeg)
Believe one tenth of what you hear, and you will get some little truth (old Welsh proverb)
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Primrose » Sat Oct 31, 2020 5:37 pm

That would definitely send me rushing for the Imodium!
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Sat Oct 31, 2020 7:45 pm

A police officer called the station on his radio.

"I have an interesting case here. A lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Sat Oct 31, 2020 8:04 pm

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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby oldherbaceous » Sun Nov 01, 2020 8:05 am

I knew a girl very much like that, once... :)
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Monika » Sun Nov 01, 2020 10:22 am

Cheeky ........
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby peter » Sun Nov 01, 2020 12:01 pm

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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby peter » Sun Nov 01, 2020 3:14 pm

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Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.

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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby peter » Sun Nov 01, 2020 3:19 pm

And a topical pop quiz one......

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Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.

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