Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

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Geoff
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Geoff » Wed Dec 23, 2020 2:04 pm

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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Thu Dec 24, 2020 4:21 pm

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Regards snooky

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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Tue Dec 29, 2020 10:19 pm

Due to the current travel restrictions I have heard it is advisable to wear a face mask indoors. Nothing to do with the spread of covid but to prevent overeating!
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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Mon Jan 04, 2021 4:33 pm

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Regards snooky

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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Primrose » Mon Jan 04, 2021 5:00 pm

Please keep them ccmo g folks. Have a feeling we,re going to need some ni our more than ever to keep us going through the next depressing weeks.
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Monika » Thu Jan 07, 2021 7:12 pm

Letter in this week's Country Life:
...... My friend the late Hubert Baillie as in charge of the [officers'] mess [of the Grenadier Guards] in he 1970s. Being a man of good and sophisticated taste, he had an arrangement of dried flowers displayed in the ante room - at vast expense. The next day, they had disappeared and, rather taken aback, he asked the mess sergeant where they had been moved to. The sergeant replied, "They were dead, sir, so I threw them out."
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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Fri Jan 08, 2021 4:42 pm

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger

A lot of people say its a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer f***

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they cant have a headache and sex at the same time?
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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Tue Jan 12, 2021 5:18 pm

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Regards snooky

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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Sat Jan 16, 2021 4:03 pm

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Regards snooky

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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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snooky
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby snooky » Thu Feb 18, 2021 10:36 pm

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Regards snooky

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A balanced diet is a beer in both hands!
WARNING.!!... The above post may contain an opinion
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John
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby John » Fri Feb 19, 2021 12:04 pm

Barry Cryer's favourite rude joke from the The Oldie mag -

Because I'm getting on a bit, I've replaced sex with food.
It's working brilliantly.
I love food so much, I've put a mirror on the ceiling over the kitchen table.

John
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The Gods do not subtract from the allotted span of men’s lives, the hours spent fishing Assyrian tablet
What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning Werner Heisenberg
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Diarmuid » Fri Feb 19, 2021 4:14 pm

Have faith in the Pfizer vaccine.
Don't forget they make Viagra.

If they can raise the dead ....
They can save the living.
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Colin2016
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Colin2016 » Sat Feb 20, 2021 8:39 am

Had a stiff arm after getting my jab last week, hope they didn't them them mixed up?
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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby peter » Wed Mar 03, 2021 9:16 pm

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Do not put off thanking people when they have helped you, as they may not be there to thank later.

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Re: Please can we have some more 'funnies'?

Postby Primrose » Thu Mar 18, 2021 10:59 am

Heard a Doctor on TV recently (Norman Swan on ABC) telling us that we needed
children to play in the dirt with their dogs and cats and be allowed to
build up some immunity! Well, bugger me! Who would have thought?

My mum used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same
cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get
food poisoning. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown
paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting E.coli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the creek, the lake or
at the beach instead of a pristine chlorinated pool (talk about boring), no
beach closures then either?.

We all took PE . And risked permanent injury with a pair of Dunlop sandshoes
or bare feet if you couldn't afford the runners instead of having
cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built-in light
reflectors that cost as much as a small car.

I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us
how much safer we are now.

We got the cane or the strap for doing something wrong at school, they used
to call it discipline yet we all grew up to accept the rules and to honour &
respect those older than us.

We had at least 40 kids in our class and somehow, we all learned to read and
write, do maths and spell almost all the words needed to write a
grammatically correct letter......., FUNNY THAT!!

We all said prayers in school irrespective of our religion, sang the
national anthem and saluted the Flag and no one got upset. Staying in
detention after school netted us all sorts of negative attention, we wish
we hadn't got.

And we all knew we had to accomplish something before we were allowed to be
proud of ourselves.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station,
Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. We weren't!! Don’t even
mention about the rope swing into the river or climbing trees.

Oh yeah ... And where were the antibiotics and sterilisation kit when I got
that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played "King of the Castle" on piles of dirt or gravel left on vacant
building sites and when we got hurt, mum pulled out the 2/6d bottle of
iodine and then we got our backside spanked. Now it's a trip to the
emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of antibiotics and then mum calls
the lawyer to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of
gravel where it was such a threat.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were
from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?

We never needed to get into group therapy and/or anger management classes.
We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even
notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT
YOU MISSED. WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!

Pass this to someone and remember that life's most simple pleasures are very
often the best.

AAAh, those WERE the days!!!!
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