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new funny

Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:31 pm
by Beryl
If My Body Were a Car!

> This is just so funny - scary how true it is!!!>
> If my body was a car, this is the time I would be
> thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
> > I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish
> and my paint job is getting a little dull...
> But that's not the worst of it.>
> My headlights are out of focus,
> And it's especially hard to see things up close.>
> My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip
> and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.>
> My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.>
> It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel
> rate burns inefficiently.>
> But here's the worst of it. >
> Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,>
> Either My Radiator Leaks or My Exhaust Backfires!


Re: new funny

Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 7:28 pm
by robo
Good job your big ends are not knocking

Re: new funny

Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:45 pm
by Westi
Funny Beryl!

I feel 30 - how come I don't feel it too? It's the headlights out of focus bit that annoys me! Glasses On / Off all day! Then get home & wipe off the muddy prints & realise I don't really spend my life in brown! But happier in the brown actually!

Re: new funny

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2017 3:59 am
I can certainly relate to that Beryl. I couldn't believe how many dents and wrinkles I'd got when I'd had my headlights fixed last year.

It applies to my car too, but I think that's in better nick than I am.

Re: new funny

Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2017 2:52 pm
by Beryl
Chocolate lovin' Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it
was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's
Friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter,
she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name, 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole'
she said. 'I'm the one with the nuts,' he thought! Then he touched her
Milky Way. They checked in to a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom.
Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long
before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg.

He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.
Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a
trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring.

He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a
scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar, it felt a bit Crunchie.

She wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing.

He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!
Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly
3 days later his Magnum lolly started to drip. It turned out Miss Rowntree
had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts!!!

Another one to cheer you up on this miserable day.

Re: new funny

Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2017 4:06 pm
by robo
Murphy said to Patrick ,I've been taking this pair of Twins to bed for nearly two weeks and the sex is great
Pat said bloody hell Murphy don't you get them mixed up how do you tell the apart
It's easy Julie has blond hair and Billy has a tash